I thought I'd start out like that, b/c it's not always about how we FEEL. An early SPonsor taught me that I needed to put I over E (I/E): Intellect over Emotions. No small order. Nonetheless, it's been something I've held onto for these many years I've been graced with, clean & sober.
Currently, the primary feelings are fear and exhilaration. The Lord has brung a gentleman into my life who is WAY more than I'd ever have hoped or wished for, ie, clean and sober, and a Christian who's not satisfied with "Churchianity". One or the other hasn't been too difficult to find in the men I've gotten to know in the last year or so, but both of those characteristics? Naw. So, I'm not sure if it's ME or the devil who keeps telling me "If it seems too good to be true, it probably is." I mean, if there weren't ever men like this, there would never have been a reason for us to look for them. Not sure if that makes sense, but I know that with time and effort, a couple of the men I've met of late could be like him, but it either wasn't the right guy, the right time, or I wasn't the right girl. Ultimately, I just want GOD'S will for me, and I am determined not to give up in allowing someone to get to know ME, to actually be vulnerable, again, until He either sends my mate, removes that particular "heart's desire" or Jesus returns. I love the verse Psalms 37:4..."Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." I have seen this occur in my own little life more than a couple of times, and I know that as poor a job as I think I do in delighting myself in Him, as promised, He remains faithful. Anyway, that's where abbie is today. Looking forward to a really nice Memorial Day weekend. I hope you are all blessed and well-fed, as well.