I suppose it IS kind of odd for me to be happy about this particular holiday, when there has not been a time in my life--ever, I suppose--when I was less interested in the gist of what Valentine's Day is all about. NOT that there haven't been the occasional "warm fuzzy" thoughts floating around in my head, of late, but just for today I will not be acting on them.
I remember the first time anyone gave me a dozen roses. Ironically, he wasn't even all that interested in me, per se. Tim B., an older man (19, or so, I suppose), he was funny and a bit hyperactive as I recall, but really had a cute butt, and Mom thought he was tolerable...so, I was fairly smitten, just by the gift. The roses were beautiful, as they pretty much always are. Although Tim really wasn't around that much after that, he did earn his place in the annals of my own history.
There have been numerous other bunches of flowers in my life since then; some were from prospective lovers, some from dog-house dwellers. They all really did smell as sweet, as if they had been called by any other name.
This year, the only Valentine I will be receiving is in a large envelope that my sweetie (E, the 7-year-old) brought back from his Dad's this evening. I have my suspicions that dXh had something more to do with it than just supplying the necessary items to make it. then again, I'm not sure he's still actively thinking of getting back together right at this time. If there is one consistent thing in our relationship, it's been our flip-flopping as to whether we want to work on it or not. He says I've been that way, but I don't really see it. He being the bi-polar piece of the puzzle, it's easy to guess that he is guilty, either way. So, he's either got a motive for the Valentine my littlest one created for me, or he's taking a breather from trying (in his own imaginary ways) to get me back. I hope it's the latter, to be honest.
I have been having thoughts of a certain tool of his I wouldn't mind borrowing, but that would be a really bad idea now, and I think I'll go for yet another first: NOT allowing my hormones to get me in trouble, and seeing what happens if I just say "NO" to my self-indulgent urges. The bad part is, I've recently met a few decent-enough single men, who would be fun for a romp...but, really. I'm NOT that woman, now. I just want to talk trash to them, but I know that it would be messed up of me to tease them like that, and it would also open up the possibility of me not just 'talking' at some point. And as I will continue to remind myself: I have much greater value now, than to just give it away. NOT to mention that it is kind of exactly one of the things I'm positive that Jesus would not want me to be doing. It devalues me and the other person. OK, then.
Waiting to hear about 2 potential PT jobs. One is a Social Work kind of gig, and the other has high exercising potential... I'd love to get them both!!!
Until next time, be sure to hug your sweetie for me, and have a happy Valentine's Day!