Sunday, August 3

So far, so good!!!

OK, I've gotten 2 grades, of the 4, and one class I have to take the final test yet...I got an "A" and a "C"---that one is in "Love, Romance, and Relationships", so, considering the usual "Egomaniac w/ Inferiority Complex" tendencies that I have, I'm fairly THRILLED. Maybe it's not just ME that's been at the root of the relational tragedies in my life??? Hm. I'm not sure, but it would seem to indicate that I might have a chance at happiness with an exceptional man...
We arrived safely at my friend's house yesterday, and it wasn't too bad of a trip. Saturday morning, the highways weren't all that busy, and I'd brought enough things to feed and entertain the boys that it was probably as good as it could have been. I brought the digital camera, so I will be able to post pictures at some point, not sure if it will be possible while we're here, but surely, once we're back home.
The last word from the Big D (Georgia) sounds like we will get to meet up on Tuesday, sometime. He has an appointment in Dalton, GA in the afternoon, so maybe that morning will work. I dunno, but I'm feeling really anxious and hopeful. I'd better be sure to pray and be rested up. Funny how nerves can wreak havoc with pretty much anyone at any given time...
I just remind myself that it's no big deal, and I'm psyched as much as anything, b/c of the simple fact that it's so RARE that find a person who thinks and believes so much like I do. The attentiveness to my feelings is so foreign to me that I'm practically unable to accept it. You know, like when you have a dream for so long that is inaccessible and denied and looking like it might never materialise, that you stick it on a shelf and don't even look at it anymore? And when ppl ask you about what you'd like to have, you forget to even mention it, b/c in your heart it's been crossed off of the list of things that you can hope for...?
That's what it feels like. I need to climb up to that high shelf and get that list of qualities down and look it over again. Maybe it IS possible that I could have a man in my life who was self-LESS, and who was able and willing to give himself freely...?
I can't imagine much more incredible than a relationship that involved each person working hard to lift the other one UP---b/c they wanted to. I tried so hard to find a reason to have respect for and value "DQ", but how do you respect a man who wants to be treated like a king but hasn't evolved past acting like an active addict? A counselor spelled it out for me once, saying that he hadn't learned to LIVE w/o drugs and that whole lifestyle. The financial thing was one huge way that DQ lives like a junkie. And everything ELSE that I hadn't noticed crumbling in our relationship, those were just other manifestations of that mentality.
I think these are some of the reasons that I want so badly for my children to GET IT--early, before they've spent their lives on simply learning the lesson.
And it's stinkin' hot here, w/ no A/C. Or, maybe it's just that I'M so stinkin' hot. ;)

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