Wednesday, July 30

Darn it.


I knew when I hadn't heard from him all afternoon, that he'd gotten bad news. The X is trying to stir up some grief for my Georgian friend; involving her calling people and making insane claims about him. Just to be on the safe side, his P.O. person said he'd better not go North, not yet, anyway. Darn it. "Hope for the best and plan for the worst"? Well, I know that God is in charge.
I believe him, which is scary. I'm torn between "I know better, now, and I have been educated as to more types of deception, more ways that I can decieve MYSELF, so I know what to look for", and the other part of me that's saying "I thought I had a clue before!!" Then again, I kept up MY end, I was faithful, I've learned a lot of things just through not running away from the last experience, and being sure that *I* had done everything that I could do...And then, there are no guarantees. But the fact is, the family history and Mother-Son Dynamics were 180* different, that HAS to make a difference.
WHAT do I do here? I am definately smitten. I am fascinated by the things we have in common, and very intrigued by the vast things that this man says and does that I've only dreamed about having a man do and BE...He is/was a Momma's boy, which can only be a good thing, in contrast with DQ's Mother, who liked to beat him with her fists and apparently "prophecy" that he would never amount to anything, he was a piece of ---- you get the picture.
I read in one of my textbooks the effects of a woman having been abused, and one of them is the distrust of men. Ya think??
I don't know. But apparently, we are not supposed to get together, yet. Fine, I'll just try to hold onto this FRIENDSHIP as long as I am supposed to. It's a trip, alright. This must be what it's like te RE-learn something you thought you knew. Hm. Kinda like early recovery.... ;)

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