Tuesday, August 26

Tuesday morning

My stomach began feeling queasy about 2 weeks ago, when D stopped calling me back, etc., and pretty much disappeared. After a few days, I accepted that me was gone and my stomach eventually settled down. Then Aunt Flo came by and I attributed it to her. Partly.

Now, it's about 3 days since he actually sent me a note telling me that he was not going to participate with me anymore, blah blah blah. Not that what he said isn't maybe right, and true, etc. But you know I don't want to hear it, and I don't think it is necessary. But if he didn't want to make the necessary adjustments that come with a long distance romance, then he might have thought of that BEFORE being so completely adorable, sweet, attentive, charming and sexy. He made me glad to be alive, happy to be a woman, and very much aware of being everything he (said he was)was looking for.

Now I'm here, again, alone. He's pulled out again, as you know. I am going to be done writing about it soon, I hope. I wanted to post this time, to mention the fact that my stomach is SO upset again. I think I could probably stay in the bathroom for the rest of the day. And there is absolutely NOTHING else to contribute it to. Just nerves; stress; sadness; and emotional upset. I will probably try to stay home and sleep as much as I can today. No there's no real reason for me to be tired....I have a little sinus issue going on, but it's not enough to cause any of this.
I don't think that so much of this is codependancy, as it is simply having found a fleeting taste of joy and regretting having lost it so soon. Heart-broken? Yes, I think that's what it is. I felt like a teenager in love while we were together, so why wouldn't I feel like the same teenage kid after it's been ripped out...?

Maybe I felt like a teenager while I had the ILLUSION that we were together.
All I know is that now my stomach hurts and I need to go to the bathroom again. Then I'm going to try to take a nap.

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