Thursday, June 11

So, maybe it IS just me.

This morning I went to a meeting and the topic was FEELINGS. As I entered, an addict with a little over 30 days was talking about the anger he feels toward some of his so-workers and their behavior. I was taken aback at the vehemence in his tone, partially because it's been a while since I've been in the presence of someone so clearly ANGRY. I thought to myself, once I'd confirmed what the topic was, that God's sense of humor was showing again. :)
See, I've been wrestling with strong emotions for the last...well, quite a while, and this last couple of weeks, since stopping the anti-depression prescription in favor of a supplement/herbal thing, I have been REALLY feeling what I can only describe as sadness. Apparently, cos there have been a lot of tears. I can tell you that it's been a rather uncomfortable thing, feeling the tears well up in my eyes almost instantaneously; (and several times a day, sometimes) I've been allowing them, knowing that at this point, I'd better just suck it up and LET myself CRY. I hate for other people to know I'm sad. Not sure exactly why, except that I do know that as a child I was directed regularly not to cry. ("...or I'll give you something ELSE to cry about.")
I also started the EMDR therapy, & I feel like a part of my emotional turmoil has been due to the apprehension and dread of coming up to the time to get to the PTSD start dragging out all those old emotions, and I don't WANNA. I know it's the right thing to do, and I'm GLAD that I'm getting into the solution, and finally working on getting PAST the skeletons that make my closets unbearable.
Too tired to write any more. My Sweetheart is coming in on a bus tomorrow, so this may be the last post for a little while.

I hope your summer is everything you'd like it to be.