Am I going to feel this way about myself when I'm 45? 55? 87??? God knows I hope not. By then, I will hopefully become so completely UN-conscious of "self" that I won't even notice myself blushing. Seriously.
I let my impatience get the best of me, and sent a note to a man I've been getting to know, online; then he tells me that he's checked out my blog: DOH!!
OK, so I KNEW that when I sent the email, it had a link to this blog IN it, didn't I? Uh, YEAH. And, probably, I'd put the link in the signature of my emails b/c I'd hoped that someone would CLICK it, right?
So, you might be able to make the connection between my knowing these things, and yet feeling like an utter dork when I realized that now he knows a LOT more about me than I'd perhaps intended for him to, at this point.
The good news is, he seems to have taken it well. Or maybe he didn't actually read much. Hm. Lord, please don't let this be a lesson for me about how I mess things up when I am not PATIENT.
I'll call this particular friend, uh, Fred. Hi, Fred, if you're reading this! I guess we have more to talk about on our first meeting than you'd previously been aware of, huh? Well, I would have told you this soon enough, anyway, so I am just going to plow on through, as if I meant to do that. (Meant to tip my hand, I mean.)
I realize, of course, that the whole idea in being introduced to someone, regardless of the "how" and "why", is to let them get to know you, and vice versa, in hopes of forming a more permanent relationship. And I will have been nothing short of 100% honest in my presenting myself; it's just that I'd hoped to have time for him to get to know "ME", today, before learning about the big, fat "me" of way back then. You know, let them come to like and maybe even DIG on who I am, before they try to digest how it is that I came to exist in this present form.
OK, so I'm going to remain hopeful, and push out the thoughts of being maybe just a tad bit TOO transparent for any "Normie" to really be fond of.
So, on the chance that I might meet a new friend this weekend, would you all please ask God to fix him up with some rose-colored glasses, just for this occasion? Granted, I am one of the Creator's most creative pieces of work, and incredibly charming in person, but...
I just remembered the face of Lucille Ball, back in the black & white days, with her big red-lipsticked mouth in that almost-perfect "O" as the camera pulled out on her bawling b/c of "another fine mess" she'd gotten herself into... I'll keep you posted. If I instantaneously combust over this, I'll try to have someone post the info, posthumously for me.