Not interested in going there a third time, and knowing myself well enough to know that I can at times tolerate unacceptable behavior for the sake of having my TLC fix (sound familiar to anyone?), I put a lock on the door that he chose to close, again. I won't have to worry about what to do or what HE is going to do, as far as this one is concerned. How, you may be wondering, did I do that?
Well, I contacted the "friend" (oh, yeah, they HAD been lovers) that he had been chatting with, who is in a bad marriage and determined to keep a spark going between "him" and her, regardless of her marital situation. I was not catty about it, other than simply DOING it. Didn't dog him, didn't tell her what I think of her behavior---I'm not the Judge, and I was once like her, I'm sure---but I told her that I thought they deserved each other. :) I got a reply from her almost immediately! And he texted me saying "thanks for being typical"! lol Funny, that's exactly the word *I* was thinking about him.
I know that it wasn't the most mature thing I've ever done. I feel foolish for doing it, I will admit it. But I also think it was a good thing to do, for me, because it DOES make it much less likely that he will be interested in starting anything back up with me. And I don't need that option to present itself again. Period. Those feelings will eventually fade away, and I will have the pain to remind me.
Why is it so difficult to find a FRIEND who will be just that? I think I will begin a 4th step inventory on that one. Gotta figure out what *I* am doing.... Don't want to have to feel these things again. The negatives are too much. Do I just stop trying to find a special Someone????
Maybe I need to get out my Codependant books again.
