Hey, kids! Wassup??
I'm feeling pretty good this morning, even thought it's grey outside, and the weatherman says it's going to be humid and hot---two of my least favorite places to be, at the same time, anyway---I'm still in pretty good spirits. Hm. Wonder why that is? Oh, here something: I called again to see if there would be a paycheck for me today and she finally said YES!! This is the Supervised Visitation gig, and I'm not so sure how long I will continue there, for the main reason that I can't count on having a check on the same day, and I'm also going to be rearranging my other job to work around thiat one. The newer job, at CBC, being A) steady, B) much more hours, and C) more likely to be a better investment of my training time. On the other hand, I don't want to lose having the Visitation place as an experience for my resume. (I'm pretty sure it has had something to do with my getting the other job.)
Whatever; I'm employed today and I really can't even believe that it's true: I, the once dependant on any and everyone for EVERYTHING little Princess in my own mind, and parasite in everyone else's, actually has TWO jobby jobs!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you, GOD, and the 12 step rooms!!!!!
I've already gotten to put some of the things I"m learning at the new job, to use here at home. Son #1 (the 15 y.o.)decided yesterday after I left for work that he would stay home for the day. His Grandmother made a surprise appearance around 3:30, and of course little Bisquithead had been watching movies and playing gamecube all day. He tried to tell her that he'd gotten sick in the morning, and "I" hadn't noticed because---get this---I was running around all over the place not paying any attention to what he was doing... (How dare I be moving fast, like I had a purpose, in the morning, in order to get out of the house and arrive at work in a timely manner.) I have worked before, and I have never failed to notice when they ever looked a little green around the gills. I was frankly hurt and angry that he would even try to imply that I was that negligent. I can tell you that the littler one has been working up to a good sinus problem for the past few days, and THAT didn't escape me.
Perhaps the issue here is that I've been giving less attention to the larger of my children, b/c I'm attempting ot ignore poor behaviors, and instead give the victim/less instigating child more attention, to try and encourage that behavior.
The fact is, as I sit here and ponder it, feeling much less livid than previously, the boys have had so rare opportunities to observe how a functional productive adult acs, that it probably IS very uncomfortable and rash-inducing. I will have to try to express my love and concern for the bigger one, I guess. Last night he was ready to go live somewhere else, and this morning I had to tell him that I was sorry, but that it was me blowing off steam when I agreed that it would be a good idea. Easier? You betcha. But RIGHT? I don't think so. And would I have regrets, later? I am quite certian that I would.
I am still going to talk to ppl at work tonight about him staying over for a while. Wondering what it would take? grandma says she will send him to a military school before she lets him go into the place where I'm working, as a resident. She doesn't want to spend that kind of money, and I would not be willing to let her. Plus, I saw TAPS, and those kids can be right up there with the emotional and abuse issues!! (Remember when Tom Cruise was young and buff?! WOW)Anyway, I'm going to go cash a tiny check and try to make a difference in somebody's kids' lives tonight.