Friday, May 22

The only thing you can depend on, supposedly

...is change. Oh, and death. and taxes. No wonder we don't like change, look at the things it's lumped together with!!
Well, I've been wanting to get in here and post something, but there have been a lot of other things that required my time and focus, which I've had precious little of lately. Especially the latter.
I was more-or-less taken off of the ADD meds for about a month, ending about 2 weeks ago, now. Right at the end of the semester, no surprise. Here's the scenario, as best I can recall for you:
Last Nov. or Dec., I go in to see the Nurse Practitioner I'd been switched to when the wonderful Dr./Missionary/Brilliantly eclectic person I HAD been seeing moved onto another chapter in her life. The NP was always interesting to me, as she is the type of person who is (probably early 60's) strung tighter than a Stradivarius string, always walking fast and POUNDS the keyboard whenever she's typing her notes. So, it's time for the usual 3-4 month adjustment of the A.D.D. meds, from 10mg to 20mg, 2x a day, I think it was, and we're chit-chatting like always. I was getting close to running out of the meds at the time, and she said that she wanted me to go see another medical professional who was more familiar with these drugs, to be sure that increasing them was the right thing to do at the time.I said no problem, thinking that she was the medical person, and I was not going to argue. I should have suspected something then, but you know, when I'm practicing the principles, and doing the next right thing on the average, I just figure that other ppl are, too. Silly me.
So I went to see a previous Dr., who was also a recovering person--I'd seen her before but left that practice b/c of Insurance things and the distance from home. She was a straight-forward woman and I told her what was going on and she agreed that the increase was a good thing.
Well, the short version of the story is that in a few more months, when I went to get the next medicinal adjustment (sometimes it's increased, sometimes they change it to another similar med; what do I care, as long as I can keep my sh*t together in reasonable piles), Frantic/Nervous NP lady acts uncomfortable with writing the script for me while I'm in her office (but then she ALWAYS seems uncomfortable in her skin, as far as I can tell) and when I go to the Pharmacy to get it filled, they tell me that particular drug doesn't come in the dosage she'd written it for. Mind you, I've been taking THIS script to THIS pharmacy for at least the last 6 months, b/c they have a discount program that saves me $10-30 every month! I asked them if it was supposed to be the generic, or whatever, and they called the NP and she agreed to write it out differently. I drive the 20 mile trip again, to pick up the script. Something is wrong with this one, as well, or maybe it was that at this time I didn't have the funds to buy it all, or something. So, NP was asked to do something to adjust it again. Note: first time, not my fault. Second time, unforeseen $$ situation that I couldn't help. Then when I get there to pick up the paper to go back to the pharmacy, the NP's nurse tells me that she won't write me another one, b/c this is the 4th time she'd written the same script. "4th??" Yes, she'd made a mistake of her own one of the times, before it even got to me.
What ends up happening is that in the confusion and my getting a bit desperate to get the stupid thing filled, I asked the other Dr. if she could write it. I did not go to their office to pick it up, and the pharmacist informed me that I "HAD" 2 scripts for the same medication, and so he was going to keep the one from NO, and in the meantime, the NP had called the other Dr. and told her not to see me.
WTF?!!??!!?
I was just a little bit upset by now. I am a single Mom, who works, takes classes, has an obstinate and emotionally debatable teenager AND an ADHD pre-teen to deal with. At the same time, I have more than a couple of my own mental health issues going on, including PTSD things coming up and beginning to be dealt with. I'm not at all trying to get sympathy or rationalize anything here, just giving the reader a fair overview. I know that my life is a DREAM when you consider many of the alternative possibilities out there. It can, however, be frustrating when you know what you need to do in order to just function as a productive and responsible human adult, and virtual strangers whose job it is to "help" you, are instead putting up roadblocks along the way.
I realized after talking and crying it over with a recovering friend who has known me since treatment, that my mistake was in thinking that because I'd been coming to the same NP for a while and we'd talked openly about the various things I'd been working on in my life, that when I mentioned that I'd gotten 16 years CLEAN in that past November, that she'd NOT take that information and translate it in her little head into "SHE'S GOT A DRUG PROBLEM!!"
When I called the NP (after venting and praying and getting my emotions back to controllable, coz you know the UNDENIABLE proof of someone being in drug-seeking mode is when they EMOTE! ), she wouldn't hear me. Didn't do anything but talk over me, and tell me that I was wrong to call the other Dr., while ignoring my attempts to explain my position. I didn't know WHAT to do, only that the relative functionality of my family depends on Mom being able to maintain.
It is extremely evident after having been off to the ADD meds for a little while, that I have the type of ADD that is inattentive and distracted.

Did ya get all that? Well, just so ya know, I was encouraged by my Sweety to find someone to do a therapy called "EMDR" with, to help with some demons that have not relented--maybe the MATH demon, even--and while we were doing the initial intake thingy, she told me that in order to get the best results, I probably ought to go back on the ADD meds, and did I need her to get me a script?
I can see the humor in that but it still isn't something I feel like laughing about. My feelings are hurt, because I thought I'd established with NP that I am a fairly reputable person. She didn't even have the Kahonas to TALK to me about her suspicions. And if I WERE using, the little bit that they prescribe for me wouldn't even get me past a day!!!!!!!!!
Ugh.
So, next time I'll have to tell you about the baby goslings all around, and that I'm going to go see my sweety next week, and that there are slight noises underfoot that may indicate my actually getting to help in a Youth Shelter for the area. Ideally, it would include my living at the place, and caring for the hands-on stuff. I have Case Manager experience, a little, and the things I DO have under my belt are harder to learn than that...
Anyway, God's in charge and ALL is well.
Sorry it took me so long to post. I'm impressed that I didn't lose the friggin' computer during that walk into insanity.

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