This afternoon I was listening to the radio and the usual afternoon women's talk show had a lady talking about a plan for changing your eating habits. (I did not say diet, you'll notice. ) Anyway, the thing that struck me about this chat, was when someone said that instead of just grabbing something to eat, they stop themselves, and ask what they are hungry for: food, or God? Hm. I am SO in need of this kind of thought alteration. I know that when I eat I am actually using food for something it is not meant for. (Trying to fill the God-sized hole, of course. Oddly enough, that's the gist of what the meeting was about this afternoon!)
So, yeah. I must incorporate this pause into my daily routine. Thank GOD the tap water here is so good. Just gotta get in to the habit again of drinking a lot more water.
Catch ya L8r! ;o)
abbie
This one was published in 2008. Wow. I've gotta post an updated gratitude list soon... :)
And, P.S. if you're wondering why it's been so long between posts, again, PLEASE go read here.
Showing posts with label meetings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label meetings. Show all posts
Friday, April 12
Saturday, March 16
Spring break already?!
Hiya! I've been away for a couple of weeks, now, and the best excuse I can give you is that I've gotten a new phone (2, actually, I had to return the first new one after ALMOST mastering it! UGH!!), and it's been kind of consuming me, as I try to figure out all the cool stuff it's got. (I got a cheap-ish Android. Just the basics, but WOW!) We stayed with Straight Talk, as our providers, even though their customer service HAS to be the ABSOLUTE worst. As I say that, I realize that I've not dealt with many Customer Service ppl, and it's possible that there are way worse ones out there. Eep! O.o
Anyway, that's not why I wanted to check in. Here's why:
I've been texting & emailing with a long-lost friend, lately. She's wonderful and so strong. She's got over 5 years clean, which is no small feat, in itself, and recently had a baby. Awesome, huh? Yeah, it kinda is. Then, you factor in her older son's struggle with (untreated) depression -lives with his dad-and failing grades in school, and you add the constant turmoil with a violent and psychotic ex, and custodial drama with the baby-daddy, and her own physical health issues...and it just makes it all too clear how getting clean is NOT the end of the race. It's a start in the right direction, but life, itself is SO much more complicated than "get off the _____, and live right!" one might think.
There's a saying in meetings about clearing away the wreckage of the past, and my dear friend, like everyone who has had a chemical dependency, has quite an accumulation of wreckage. But she does have one strong asset going for her that the majority of addicts don't, necessarily: She's got a Bible-believing support group, in addition to the step meetings, and she know where to find the answers. She's so smart and willing to do what she must.
I really can't say how proud I am of her, and how much I'm praying and rooting for her to get the dragons slayed. Most of us come into recovery with relationship (hostage) issues, and I'd bet a large majority of addicts and alcoholics have underlying mental health issues, too. These are just a couple of the things that have to be addressed to get to the real goal: Peace. Happiness (occasionally, at least). Self-supporting through our own contributions.... and, basically just LIVING rather than surviving.
So, when you're counting your blessings, and saying your prayers, keep this in mind, will ya? And add my friend to your prayers.
Thanks. God bless you.
Anyway, that's not why I wanted to check in. Here's why:
I've been texting & emailing with a long-lost friend, lately. She's wonderful and so strong. She's got over 5 years clean, which is no small feat, in itself, and recently had a baby. Awesome, huh? Yeah, it kinda is. Then, you factor in her older son's struggle with (untreated) depression -lives with his dad-and failing grades in school, and you add the constant turmoil with a violent and psychotic ex, and custodial drama with the baby-daddy, and her own physical health issues...and it just makes it all too clear how getting clean is NOT the end of the race. It's a start in the right direction, but life, itself is SO much more complicated than "get off the _____, and live right!" one might think.
There's a saying in meetings about clearing away the wreckage of the past, and my dear friend, like everyone who has had a chemical dependency, has quite an accumulation of wreckage. But she does have one strong asset going for her that the majority of addicts don't, necessarily: She's got a Bible-believing support group, in addition to the step meetings, and she know where to find the answers. She's so smart and willing to do what she must.
I really can't say how proud I am of her, and how much I'm praying and rooting for her to get the dragons slayed. Most of us come into recovery with relationship (hostage) issues, and I'd bet a large majority of addicts and alcoholics have underlying mental health issues, too. These are just a couple of the things that have to be addressed to get to the real goal: Peace. Happiness (occasionally, at least). Self-supporting through our own contributions.... and, basically just LIVING rather than surviving.
So, when you're counting your blessings, and saying your prayers, keep this in mind, will ya? And add my friend to your prayers.
Thanks. God bless you.
Thursday, October 25
Recovering...with a little help from my friends...
It has been quite a while since I've posted here because I have no idea why it's stopped refreshing and/or showing up on the timeline thingy (on the left side usually, under blogs you follow), and therefore I don't know if anyone even knows it still exists...
So, I'm hoping to get that straightened out, but in the meantime, please go to the FUNCTIONING blog, "Abbie in Wonderland" @ www.abbieaw.blogspot.com
By the way, The subject line was initiated by a recent experience I had with a "recovery program" being conducted in a local church. Turns out it is an ego-driven "class" being controlled by a couple with a total of maybe 3 years...DRY. Abstinent, maybe, but seriously, it's not anything that's likely to ever produce anything like the spirituality I've found in the 12-step programs. I'm not sure what, if anything, to say or do about it, but I am certain that if the Pastor were aware of the agenda in this group, he'd be pretty upset. The Pastor is a wonderful and Christlike man. The Directors of the group have the typical ego-driven need for, well, let's just say it's all about THEM.
So, I'm remaining happy, joyous and free, for the most part, with help from my friends and my God. NOT this odd group.
So, I'm hoping to get that straightened out, but in the meantime, please go to the FUNCTIONING blog, "Abbie in Wonderland" @ www.abbieaw.blogspot.com
By the way, The subject line was initiated by a recent experience I had with a "recovery program" being conducted in a local church. Turns out it is an ego-driven "class" being controlled by a couple with a total of maybe 3 years...DRY. Abstinent, maybe, but seriously, it's not anything that's likely to ever produce anything like the spirituality I've found in the 12-step programs. I'm not sure what, if anything, to say or do about it, but I am certain that if the Pastor were aware of the agenda in this group, he'd be pretty upset. The Pastor is a wonderful and Christlike man. The Directors of the group have the typical ego-driven need for, well, let's just say it's all about THEM.
Friday, January 18
The Writing on my forehead
It's not like there is any mystery here. It's been there for many, many years. Probably since I was old enough for men to even notice me. I can admit it: I'm a magnet for the odd, abnormal, and also neurotic/psychotic. Sure, there have been times when I didn't think it such a bad thing, but I am fairly sure it wasn't during any of my more "sane" moments. Any time I'm anywhere, if there is a male who is looking for a girlfriend, if he is on the lower end of the genetic (and/or ethical) scale, let's say, he will absolutely be finding me and looking for ways to become my boyfriend. Yee Haw.
My last husband used to tease me about this, since he often got to watch the whole thing with amusement. When we lived in a certain state, there were 2 guys at the meetings there named "Jim", and they were pals. Jim and Jim were unusual, but very nice and it was definitely great that they were able to keep coming back and get ahold of recovery. Jim #1 was slightly more verbal than #2. I never did narrow down what the "other" issues were, but #1 would be in front of the meeting place for at least a half hour before the meeting began, pacing back and forth with the look of someone who was really GOING SOMEWHERE. His grayish hair was all slicked back, so it was unable to move in the considerable breeze he created, and Jim looked like a man with a mission. Yet, he always slowed down and said "hi" very nicely whenever we arrived. Then during the meeting, Jim #1 would usually sit and rock in his chair.
Jim #2, the first Jim's buddy, (roommates, maybe? I don't know) was less subdued about how he felt than #1, and he was a big hugger. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of hugs, as long as there are no alternative ideas going on---you know what I mean, ladies. The Jims never seemed to be going down that road, though, sometimes #2 was known to be a bit of a tight hugger. The most vivid memory of the Jims was when Jim #2 got him some "new teeth!" and came into the meeting ALL SMILES and announced it to everyone. It was so childlike, and he was obviously QUITE happy about it.
See, I think this is because I have a great deal of empathy for people who have had a rough time of it. Once a man on a work site (when I worked construction for a short time) who looked like Santa Claus spent close to an hour telling me his life story. Why, I'll never know. Maybe it came from being ignored and generally feeling unwanted as a little child. Either way, if someone foresaw a man coming up to me out of the blue, I can promise you he'd either be just really, really weird, or definitely an ex-con.
SO, this brings me to the actual reason I began this little muse. Last night I was sitting at a meeting and there was a fairly new guy next to me; he was dressed like a working man, clean-cut, intelligent, etc.... we made the usual before-meeting chit-chat, and things were cool enough. Then I notice that during the meeting when I'm sitting forward in my seat, his arm just "happens" to be dangling across the back of my chair. No biggie, really, except that we had been kind of exchanging a vibe --nothing perceivable, but I guess my radar was turned up a bit more than ordinarily it would have been, and it was a bit strange. Probably, now that I think of it, I was kind of distracted by this because I've not had anyone do anything like that except for the dXh for over 10 years.
Not long after that, imagine my surprise when he causally mentioned something about his "wife" and going to an "S.A." meeting the next night. (eyebrows up) "A what?" "mumble mumble sex thing mumble." I asked if he was going to bring his wife with him to it, (JOKING) and he said no the problem is that it's not something he has a problem with, with HIS WIFE.
And, yes the red flags are officially ALL THE WAY UP!
Now, I'm not one to think much of myself, physically, at this point. But, doesn't it seem like there would be possibly, oh, I don't know...a MOTIVE there, in mentioning that to someone of the opposite sex?
I don't know, but the meeting tonight was about growth, and I was very grateful that I've grown enough in the past ___ years that I do not have to react to things like that, noticeably. AND, just because a man who might have something going for him (nicely dressed, remember) might be taking notice, that does NOT mean that I need to reciprocate. So I acted like I didn't give it another thought, but I will tell you here that I did. It surprised me, and caught me almost off guard, because I've been thinking about things of a more physical nature lately...
But, as they've taught me in the rooms of recovery, I can think about things without having to Do anything. That would def be a relapse flag. Would it be really bad to go get ahold of dXh for a night? Uh...yeah. It would. I guess.
I know this will pass, but there are times when I remember the really good things about our relationship.
So, that was an interesting night, last night. I know there are natural hormones and all, going on in me, even if I AM "pre-menopausal" already. And I know that it irritates me when dXh refers to me as a Hootchie, as if that's a good thing. Once upon a time, it wasn't a bad thing, but for whatever reason, as I've aged, I am no longer willing to be appreciated exclusively for the outer appearance. Sometimes, sure, it's a nice ego-stroke. But over-all, that's NOT my main purpose in life, as opposed to what I was led to believe so long ago....
I hope that didn't ramble TOO much. Very tired and more than a little squirrelly, I s'pose.
Better be getting to bed, soon. And, yes, it will remain, alone. :o)
My last husband used to tease me about this, since he often got to watch the whole thing with amusement. When we lived in a certain state, there were 2 guys at the meetings there named "Jim", and they were pals. Jim and Jim were unusual, but very nice and it was definitely great that they were able to keep coming back and get ahold of recovery. Jim #1 was slightly more verbal than #2. I never did narrow down what the "other" issues were, but #1 would be in front of the meeting place for at least a half hour before the meeting began, pacing back and forth with the look of someone who was really GOING SOMEWHERE. His grayish hair was all slicked back, so it was unable to move in the considerable breeze he created, and Jim looked like a man with a mission. Yet, he always slowed down and said "hi" very nicely whenever we arrived. Then during the meeting, Jim #1 would usually sit and rock in his chair.
Jim #2, the first Jim's buddy, (roommates, maybe? I don't know) was less subdued about how he felt than #1, and he was a big hugger. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of hugs, as long as there are no alternative ideas going on---you know what I mean, ladies. The Jims never seemed to be going down that road, though, sometimes #2 was known to be a bit of a tight hugger. The most vivid memory of the Jims was when Jim #2 got him some "new teeth!" and came into the meeting ALL SMILES and announced it to everyone. It was so childlike, and he was obviously QUITE happy about it.
See, I think this is because I have a great deal of empathy for people who have had a rough time of it. Once a man on a work site (when I worked construction for a short time) who looked like Santa Claus spent close to an hour telling me his life story. Why, I'll never know. Maybe it came from being ignored and generally feeling unwanted as a little child. Either way, if someone foresaw a man coming up to me out of the blue, I can promise you he'd either be just really, really weird, or definitely an ex-con.
SO, this brings me to the actual reason I began this little muse. Last night I was sitting at a meeting and there was a fairly new guy next to me; he was dressed like a working man, clean-cut, intelligent, etc.... we made the usual before-meeting chit-chat, and things were cool enough. Then I notice that during the meeting when I'm sitting forward in my seat, his arm just "happens" to be dangling across the back of my chair. No biggie, really, except that we had been kind of exchanging a vibe --nothing perceivable, but I guess my radar was turned up a bit more than ordinarily it would have been, and it was a bit strange. Probably, now that I think of it, I was kind of distracted by this because I've not had anyone do anything like that except for the dXh for over 10 years.
Not long after that, imagine my surprise when he causally mentioned something about his "wife" and going to an "S.A." meeting the next night. (eyebrows up) "A what?" "mumble mumble sex thing mumble." I asked if he was going to bring his wife with him to it, (JOKING) and he said no the problem is that it's not something he has a problem with, with HIS WIFE.
And, yes the red flags are officially ALL THE WAY UP!
Now, I'm not one to think much of myself, physically, at this point. But, doesn't it seem like there would be possibly, oh, I don't know...a MOTIVE there, in mentioning that to someone of the opposite sex?
I don't know, but the meeting tonight was about growth, and I was very grateful that I've grown enough in the past ___ years that I do not have to react to things like that, noticeably. AND, just because a man who might have something going for him (nicely dressed, remember) might be taking notice, that does NOT mean that I need to reciprocate. So I acted like I didn't give it another thought, but I will tell you here that I did. It surprised me, and caught me almost off guard, because I've been thinking about things of a more physical nature lately...
But, as they've taught me in the rooms of recovery, I can think about things without having to Do anything. That would def be a relapse flag. Would it be really bad to go get ahold of dXh for a night? Uh...yeah. It would. I guess.
I know this will pass, but there are times when I remember the really good things about our relationship.
So, that was an interesting night, last night. I know there are natural hormones and all, going on in me, even if I AM "pre-menopausal" already. And I know that it irritates me when dXh refers to me as a Hootchie, as if that's a good thing. Once upon a time, it wasn't a bad thing, but for whatever reason, as I've aged, I am no longer willing to be appreciated exclusively for the outer appearance. Sometimes, sure, it's a nice ego-stroke. But over-all, that's NOT my main purpose in life, as opposed to what I was led to believe so long ago....
I hope that didn't ramble TOO much. Very tired and more than a little squirrelly, I s'pose.
Better be getting to bed, soon. And, yes, it will remain, alone. :o)
Friday, January 4
Where to begin?
OK,
so here we are. I have decided that I am going to join the ranks of those whom I have come to admire and look forward to their daily or semi-daily postings here on the Blogosphere. Yes, I've come to realize that it's not actually about being arrogant and thinking that you are all going to be holding your breathe to see what incredible genius comes out of my mouth/fingers, next. (I AM so my own worst critic. Did I think that of any of the other bloggers out there? Well, only one I think, but he was irritating and dull, IMHO. ) Thanks to several brave--and I mean that--bloggers that I've been reading for a while, I understand that not only is it therapeutic for the writer, but it also helps those of us reading. It's comforting to see how YOUR life is going, and I learn from your experiences, kind of like in those groups/meetings I often frequent. (Frequently? Well, yes.) So, I hope that sharing some of my experience, strength, and hope will be a blessing for some of you.
Soon, I will have another semester of school beginning, and it will be one more step toward my entry into the "Real World of Legitimate Employment", I suppose. Ahem.
For now, I am usually here, in front of the puter, researching and looking into the info-net for signs of life. I think I am actually going to begin a few changes in my routine now, to celebrate the new year, or something. Maybe it's to celebrate the new divorce? Or the new vehicle/nest egg? Really, there are any number of reasons.
I am officially in "midlife", there I said it, and the times, they are a'changin'! My boys, B & E are now almost 15 and 7 1/2, respectively. I am also the proud mother of 3 felines (probably they will be the first ones to have a picture posted, as they are also the least likely to give me any crap about it!), one Leopard Gekko (actually, Arthur is pretty photogenic, and chill about his picture being shown).
Ooops. Gotta run. Thank God for my desktop alarm. Gotta run B to the eye Dr.
Will check back in later, or tomorrow at least.
so here we are. I have decided that I am going to join the ranks of those whom I have come to admire and look forward to their daily or semi-daily postings here on the Blogosphere. Yes, I've come to realize that it's not actually about being arrogant and thinking that you are all going to be holding your breathe to see what incredible genius comes out of my mouth/fingers, next. (I AM so my own worst critic. Did I think that of any of the other bloggers out there? Well, only one I think, but he was irritating and dull, IMHO. ) Thanks to several brave--and I mean that--bloggers that I've been reading for a while, I understand that not only is it therapeutic for the writer, but it also helps those of us reading. It's comforting to see how YOUR life is going, and I learn from your experiences, kind of like in those groups/meetings I often frequent. (Frequently? Well, yes.) So, I hope that sharing some of my experience, strength, and hope will be a blessing for some of you.
Soon, I will have another semester of school beginning, and it will be one more step toward my entry into the "Real World of Legitimate Employment", I suppose. Ahem.
For now, I am usually here, in front of the puter, researching and looking into the info-net for signs of life. I think I am actually going to begin a few changes in my routine now, to celebrate the new year, or something. Maybe it's to celebrate the new divorce? Or the new vehicle/nest egg? Really, there are any number of reasons.
I am officially in "midlife", there I said it, and the times, they are a'changin'! My boys, B & E are now almost 15 and 7 1/2, respectively. I am also the proud mother of 3 felines (probably they will be the first ones to have a picture posted, as they are also the least likely to give me any crap about it!), one Leopard Gekko (actually, Arthur is pretty photogenic, and chill about his picture being shown).
Ooops. Gotta run. Thank God for my desktop alarm. Gotta run B to the eye Dr.
Will check back in later, or tomorrow at least.
Talkin' about
Blogosphere,
crossaddicted,
meetings
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