Spring break already?!

Hiya! I've been away for a couple of weeks, now, and the best excuse I can give you is that I've gotten a new phone (2, actually, I had to return the first new one after ALMOST mastering it! UGH!!), and it's been kind of consuming me, as I try to figure out all the cool stuff it's got. (I got a cheap-ish Android. Just the basics, but WOW!) We stayed with Straight Talk, as our providers, even though their customer service HAS to be the ABSOLUTE worst. As I say that, I realize that I've not dealt with many Customer Service ppl, and it's possible that there are way worse ones out there. Eep! O.o
Anyway, that's not why I wanted to check in. Here's why:
I've been texting & emailing with a long-lost friend, lately. She's wonderful and so strong. She's got over 5 years clean, which is no small feat, in itself, and recently had a baby. Awesome, huh? Yeah, it kinda is. Then, you factor in her older son's struggle with (untreated) depression -lives with his dad-and failing grades in school, and you add the constant turmoil with a violent and psychotic ex, and custodial drama with the baby-daddy, and her own physical health issues...and it just makes it all too clear how getting clean is NOT the end of the race. It's a start in the right direction, but life, itself is SO much more complicated than "get off the _____, and live right!" one might think.
There's a saying in meetings about clearing away the wreckage of the past, and my dear friend, like everyone who has had a chemical dependency, has quite an accumulation of wreckage. But she does have one strong asset going for her that the majority of addicts don't, necessarily: She's got a Bible-believing support group, in addition to the step meetings, and she know where to find the answers. She's so smart and willing to do what she must.
I really can't say how proud I am of her, and how much I'm praying and rooting for her to get the dragons slayed. Most of us come into recovery with relationship (hostage) issues, and I'd bet a large majority of addicts and alcoholics have underlying mental health issues, too. These are just a couple of the things that have to be addressed to get to the real goal: Peace. Happiness (occasionally, at least). Self-supporting through our own contributions.... and, basically just LIVING rather than surviving.
So, when you're counting your blessings, and saying your prayers, keep this in mind, will ya? And add my friend to your prayers.
Thanks. God bless you.

The Legacy of Amy Winehouse

I don't know about you, but I could stand some encouraging stuff to read right about now. I guess this is one way that the parents of addicts can help those left behind.

The Legacy of Amy Winehouse | The Fix

P.S. I've got to mention this, Mr. Winehouse: an addiction to ALCOHOL does not a CLEAN person make. A drug is a drug is a drug. HELLOOOOOO.

Recovering...with a little help from my friends...

It has been quite a while since I've posted here because I have no idea why it's stopped refreshing and/or showing up on the timeline thingy (on the left side usually, under blogs you follow), and therefore I don't know if anyone even knows it still exists...
So, I'm hoping to get that straightened out, but in the meantime, please go to the FUNCTIONING blog, "Abbie in Wonderland" @   www.abbieaw.blogspot.com
By the way, The subject line was initiated by a recent experience I had with a "recovery program" being conducted in a local church. Turns out it is an ego-driven "class" being controlled by a couple with a total of maybe 3 years...DRY. Abstinent, maybe, but seriously, it's not anything that's likely to ever produce anything like the spirituality I've found in the 12-step programs. I'm not sure what, if anything, to say or do about it, but I am certain that if the Pastor were aware of the agenda in this group, he'd be pretty upset. The Pastor is a wonderful and Christlike man. The Directors of the group have the typical ego-driven need for, well, let's just say it's all about THEM.

So, I'm remaining happy, joyous and free, for the most part, with help from my friends and my God. NOT this odd group.

Stuff and things...

Just in case you've not stepped over to the newer blog "Abbie in Wonderland", yet, I encourage you to do so. It's still me, and it actually updates itself on your blog-stream thingy. Seriously contemplating closing this one, much as I love it, if I can't get that feature to work again.
Anyway, things are shaking and being shook in our little town. I wish I didn't feel like I lived in a soap opera at times.
When it gets right down to it, I know that God is in charge, and therefore, He will work everything out for our good. At the same time, the enemy of our souls goes about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may destroy. Too bad JESUS took that lion's teeth out when He took my spot on the cross. Like my Dad would say: "the devil's a PUNK!" with his best imitation of Clint "Squinty Clinty" Eastwood.
By the way, I want to mention that this week my Dad woulda been 72 years young. He's been up in Heaven for 12 years, now and it still hurts like the day he left. Just not as often. Memories are like a hot coal, I can get close enough to see the beauty, and feel the warmth, but I just can't HELP from touching it; KNOWING that it's going to hurt a LOT.
I was talking to a nurse the other day and she mentioned that she'd lost her Dad, and we got to talking about that pain. I asked her how long it'd been, and she said "11 months". I'm not sure but I'd bet I was still trying to remain numb at that point.  It's funny. I discovered that in times of extreme sorrow and/or fear, my brain & body can somehow manage to numb themselves. Maybe it's related to sleeping being my favorite escape (since recovery). IDK.
Blessings to you all. This too shall pass.

5 Reasons Addicts Leave Treatment Early – And How to Prevent It

By David Sack, M.D.

Getting an addict into drug rehab isn’t always an easy task. Getting them to stay there can be even harder. Here are five of the most common reasons people leave drug rehab against medical advice, along with suggestions to help the addict stay committed to their recovery.



1. “Detox is too painful.”

Research shows that the first week of drug rehab is the time when most addicts ask themselves, “What the heck am I doing here?” Withdrawal symptoms, drug cravings and an unfamiliar environment can fill the addict with anxiety at the same time they are deprived of their primary coping mechanism: drugs. Some addicts rationalize that they felt better when using drugs and give up on rehab before treatment really begins.

Prevention Tip: Detox can be made more comfortable with medication and alternative therapies such as neurofeedback, acupuncture and massage. Even if the addict isn’t feeling great, they should try to get involved in as many treatment activities as possible.

Rather than isolating, their peers will help them realize they are not alone and see the hope that treatment brings. The earlier the addict develops trust and rapport with a therapist, the more likely they will listen to the therapist’s recommendations and push through the uncertainty.


2. “I’m not like these people.”

This is a common assertion made after the addict attends their first 12-Step meeting or group therapy session. It is the nature of the disease for addicts to think they are different, smarter or stronger than other addicts. This belief allows them to put up emotional walls between themselves and others and to avoid doing the soul-searching work of recovery.

Prevention Tip: If an individual would fare best in the company of like-minded peers, try to find an appropriate drug rehab program for their needs. Once in treatment, cognitive-behavioral therapy can help the addict turn their focus on differences into recognition of similarities. Education about denial can teach the addict that their disease is driving them to rationalize leaving rehab.



3. “I don’t like it here.”

If an addict wants to go back to using drugs, they must find a justification to do so, both for their own peace of mind and to appease their loved ones who desperately want them to get well. Rather than accepting responsibility for their own recovery, they may place the blame elsewhere – often on the food, accommodations, rules, treatment schedule, staff or other patients.

Prevention Tip: In some cases, the addict’s concerns may be legitimate. Perhaps something can be done to make them more comfortable, such as changing roommates or switching therapists. Or perhaps another treatment center would be a better match, particularly if the individual struggles with co-occurring mental health disorders that aren’t being addressed.

It is always wise to stay involved with treatment and listen to a client’s concerns to determine whether they can be addressed or the individual is merely looking for an excuse to leave. In the latter case, it is essential for family members and other treatment professionals to present a united front, offering loving reminders about why the addict needs to complete treatment. Family involvement and family therapy aid in the process, but “rescuing” an addict from drug rehab merely enables the addiction to continue.



4. “I already know this stuff.”

In addiction recovery, there are certain themes that get repeated throughout treatment. This is because repetition is how we learn. Sometimes it isn’t until the second or third go-around that the addict truly embraces a particular recovery principle or gains new insight. In some cases, the addict may use this excuse to avoid dealing with the painful memories and feelings being explored in therapy.

Prevention Tip: There are many ways to show addicts that no matter how much they think they know, they can always learn more. These include having outside speakers share their stories of recovery, offering alternative therapeutic modalities that the addict hasn’t yet explored, maintaining a full schedule of recovery-related activities, and discussing the likely outcome if the addict follows through on their plan to leave.



5. “I can do this on my own.”

At some point during treatment, most addicts develop a type of confidence that is both healing and potentially damaging. After maintaining their sobriety for a while, they feel healthier than ever and are assured of their ability to stay clean. It is at this point that some believe they are “cured” of addiction and anxiously wish to return to their families and careers.

Prevention Tip: Research shows that the longer an addict stays in treatment the better their chances of avoiding relapse. Believing they “know it all” may be a sign of progress but is also a red flag that more education and treatment are necessary. Step-down levels of care (e.g., moving from inpatient to outpatient or a transitional living environment) allow addicts to test their new recovery skills with ongoing professional support.

In many ways, drug rehab is an exercise in faith. We ask addicts to draw on coping, interpersonal and distress tolerance skills they haven’t yet developed, based on the assurance of others that recovery is possible. Change is hard for an addict, but stillness can be even harder. With the support of family and a team of professionals, addicts can stay still long enough to experience the many rewards of recovery.

David Sack, M.D., is board certified in psychiatry, addiction psychiatry, and addiction medicine. He is CEO of Elements Behavioral Health, a network of treatment centers that focus on addiction treatment, eating disorders, and dual diagnosis.

This and other good info HERE

Bracing for the holidays

Hi, friends : )
For many of us "recovering" folks, the holidays can be quite a test. Spending time with our biological families, while there are usually some nice things about it, can also bring up old hurts and scars from the past, making the holidays kind of an ordeal.
I know that for me, even having done the Sober Holiday Thing for several years, now, I still find myself anxious and unsure of protocol. We haven't any actively users or drinkers in our little family, now, but not all of us are recovering, either, so the insanity can get pretty silly at times. There are the fears of forgetting a present (ADD, thank you very much), wearing something not approved by Mom, who's bringing someone new to the party, and will we like them or just talk about them ruthlessly after they've gone, to mention just a few of the things tearing around in my mind. Dad used to call it "Freight Train Brain". Perhaps you're familiar with it? It usually reminds me that I could stand some extra meetings right about now.
Anyway, I'm going to go put my facebook status on afk indefinately, so I'll talk to you later. I hope you're able to find a nice quiet spot in the midst of your "celebrations" for when you need to decompress.

Nuckin' Futs

Hi, I'm an addict, and my problem is abbie.
I'm just about completely out of my freakin' mind. Well, yesterday, I was, anyway.
Contributing factors:
1. Over the holidays, I went almost a week in the company of someone who was unaware of the absolute CHAOS(as was I, to an extent)going on in me, while he had his 2 drinks most evenings. (No, he was not drunk, did not even show any effect of the drinks, for whatever that's worth.)
2. Same time period: I attended no meetings.
3. Aunt Flo was about 2 weeks late. Not a crisis, really. but hormonally I suspect she has been adding to the subliminal turbulence going on...so when she did show up, I can only guess that she might have had something to do with the complete and utter emotional meltdown I experienced...
4. Constant feelings of inferiority and inadequacy at work, increased somewhat by the failure of both classes I took last semester.
5. I'm still waiting to get my antidepressant and ADD meds adjusted. Thank GOD I'm not trying to live w/o them, but they were not helping a lot a couple of weeks ago.
And, 6. The impending registration and corresponding internalization of the knowledge that I will soon be undergoing, again, the loathed and dreaded course of my nightmares: Math 050.
Scoffers, scoff on. You may even guffaw, if you must. The extent of my emotional agony yesterday on the drive to school to get registered for this class was both incredible, and dumbfounding. See, the previous day, as I sat in the Adviser's office discussing the fact that I HAVE to take this class and pass it, before I can take one of the other last TWO classes required for this degree, I found it difficult not to fall apart even then. Thank God my Adviser has years of Counseling experience and some understanding of my situation. I guess.
I am sharing this with you, beloved readers, for a number of reasons; the most prominent being that I covet your insight and any suggestions of where I might find some resources of how to get OVER this. I'd come to accept last year, when I took this class, (and failed it) fighting tears and upset stomach every time I went to class OR opened the book, that when Dad had "helped" me learn Math as a child, there had been harsh words and some trauma involved. Dad was a rage-aholic, if there is such a thing, and I was terrified of him for most of my life.
Yesterday I realized that there MUST have been more to it than just the usual yelling, anger and spankings involved. I don't remember any specifics, which is just as well. But the fear and anguish I feel inside, even just contemplating the most REMOTE numerical groupings, tells me that it must have been more than just the usual humiliating and merciless beating.

I've known that there were things pre-teen in my life that were bad. I've accepted that it's not JUST a result of things I did to myself that haunt me, even 20-some years later. And I have even come close, in the past few years, to actually working on these demons. But will I have to actually re-hash these things in order to get past them? I can't imagine the benefit of remembering things that are so much horror and absolute cruelty...when the NOT remembering isn't a walk in the park.

Is this what happens when you get more time clean than you had using? Is it just another reminder of why I MUST be OCD about maintaining my medication supply and correct dosages???? Am I doomed to this kind of painful insanity unless I am religiously dedicated to keeping up the relationship that I don't even WANT to have with the Pharmacists and Medical professionals in the FIRST place?

I'm looking into this thing called "EFT", an alternative therapy touted as helping to get rid of emotional distress...

Comments, please? Please pleasepleaseplease?!