Happy Thursday!

Greetings, fellow Wanderers, Seekers, and occasional Dancers! I've gotta tell you, this week has been fraught with good stuff.
One good thing was that I heard God telling me something as I was telling my sweet hubby something entirely different. It was painful to accept, but the gist was that I need to let go of some "dreams" I've been holding onto for SO long. The lesson was, I'm hoping and trusting, that as I let go of the dream, God will fill the empty hand with something FAR better-something of HIS choosing (-which always turns out better, anyway) I won't be surprised if there are other dreams of my own creation that I need to release, but the one that I was confronted with the other day was a good step, I think.
Another good GOOD thing, is that I seem to have somehow gotten past (translation: DELIVERED FROM) the serious resentments I've held onto towards my ex-husband for SO so long. Somehow, that in itself could have a part to play in some other great developments in our little home. I'll just say that there is a new element to the relationship between the Big Guy and the Little One, which has been delightful for all involved.  :) And it's not even Christmas, yet!!
Meanwhile, in the rest of the world, the onslaught of fleas has not yet been conquered. I've tried everything I think short of bombing the apartment and getting the cats to a vet to be flea-dipped. That's likely to take a large chunk out of the (SMALL) Christmas funds, but it's all I want for a present at this point. Poor little critters are all ate up and they are just miserable. God, HELP!!
Take it easy, kids. Let's meet at a meeting soon, k? : )  

Forgiving Ourselves

I'm borrowing this from a friend who said it probably much better than I could have...

So forgiving ourselves....probably the most difficult part of becoming emotionally healthy. H was telling me about a group where the girls shared their secrets and concluded their speaking time with "And I forgive myself." The room had dim lights and ocean music playing as they read their list of secrets. Some of the women read their most hidden secrets and concluded with, "And I *can't* forgive myself." God....that breaks my heart. Every time I think of those girls, all of whom I have now met....although I don't know anyone's secrets or who is finding it impossible to forgive themselves...it gets me.

H and I talked about g-ma and her death bed letting go events. Letting go of the guilt and shame that she had carried for all of her adult life. H said she has thought about her g-ma a lot while in treatment. I know that g-ma would want our girl to be free and not carry to her death bed the burdens and the shame that she herself carried to her's.

I think forgiving ones self must be so very humbling. I would imagine that you come to a place of being desperate enough to accept forgiveness. I think so much of the time we are trained to not take anything that we haven't worked for that we almost can't trust the grace and forgiveness that is offered to us by God. What if we accept it and He takes it back? Or He changes His mind and decides we really aren't worthy after all. Its risky business to lay it all out there. I do believe that as we experience God's forgiveness and acceptance, it brings us to a place of being able to forgive ourselves.

 I know that my experiences with God's forgiveness and unmerited compassion changed my life. My initial time of spiritual awakening was over 7 years ago and He hasn't defaulted on any of what He so graciously and mercifully gave to me....so maybe we are good. Those gifts have made me gentler with myself and with my fellow human beings. I still have some ways to go. I will until I am on *my* death bed because I will continue to make mistakes along the way because I am a mere human. Well meaning, but imperfect in a myriad of ways. My struggle is walking in acceptance of what is being offered to me. 

“I feel like, God expects me to be human. I feel like, God likes me just the way I am: broken and empty and bruised. I feel like, God doesn't look at me and wish that I were something else, because He likes me just this way. I feel like, God doesn't want me to close my eyes and pray for Him to make me holy or for Him to make me pure; because He made me human. I feel like, God already knows I'm human...it is I who needs to learn that.”
― C. Joy Bell C.

Walk gently with one another....
Annette

The post in which I get to talk about Christ AND drugs!! (GET DOWN!)

Ok, So last Sunday we had a "family meeting" at church. The jist of it is this: Our Senior Pastor left his position a cpl years ago (not happy about it, but he'd gotten away from preaching the Bible, and we're just funny about that), and we got to keep the EXTRAVAGANT double mortgage on the building that HE had to have built (I guess a statue would have been a tad too obvious), along with the crazy-big bills that come with maintaining such a pretty/large place. So, we had this meeting, where everyone who's stayed since then - if you've experienced a kind of split, you know it's exactly like a divorce 8-( - attemded,. and we discussed what we're going to do. The fact is, like finances can wreck a marriage, the money situation has become a source of great stress and turmoil. Senior Pastor Guy was the only person who pushed for the building that's easily twice the size needed, and like in a divorce situation, it looks like we're going to have to move to a more manageable-sized place. People were talking about starting a daycare to try to raise more income (and keep where we are, physically), leasing the building out to another church, or selling some of the land....  
*Ok, I say "have to move", but honestly, short of a really big miracle, it's the only thing that's going to work, and so "get to move" is more appropriate.*
Anyway, the topic went around to ministries. They've taken a serious hit since almost all the money coming in has been used to try to keep the building up. Our Pastoress : ) and her hubby have been consistent in encouraging and helping with any kind of ministry anyone wants to do, but there's not been any financial backing for a little while, now. The Big Guy and I were sitting and observing, and there were good and encouraging things brought up, and we were all in agreement that as a body, we are going to give some lengthy prayer to hearing what God wants us to do from here.
At some point, I noticed that I'd gotten a call & voicemail from an unknown number. 
After we got back home, I listened to the vm and it was from an acquaintance in AA, telling me about his d-i-l and her Meth problem. He asked me to call him back & when I did, he explained more of the situation. 

Nicknames for methamphetamine vary from region to region.
Nicknames in the English speaking world include:


"meth"  "ice" "shaboo" "crystal" "crystal meth" "crystal speed" "glass" "Tina" (gay community) "batu"    
"batunas" "crank" "white" "scanté" "czecho"
For more info click on me

Long story short, I ended up sending our Pastoress a text, about talking about people's ministries last night, and while I was still there, recieving a call out of the blue (It's been months since I'd seen the guy in AA, and longer since I've gotten a 12-step call!)to help with an addict. "Coincidence?" I asked her.
The reply came soon:
"I think not!"
So. Yay God.
P.S. that same Sunday, the hubby & I celebrated a year of marital bliss! Ok, not maybe BLISS, but way closer than either of us has ever DREAMT of.

So happy together...

Love tells the Truth

I hope you've got your headphones/speakers on!

This, my friends, is for you. And for  me. In my experience, nothing can sooth my ravaged soul more than sweet melodies. This video is just awesome. Idk if I'll be back before Christmas Day, so just in case, I pray that whoever reads this will (watch the video) and be blessed over the holidays...

Here is a picture of my youngest sweetheart. Still snuggle-able, and still knows he's got a firm grip on Mommy's heart. Hoping to get a good pic of the larger one soon, will post then.