Going back home...

This afternoon I got a text from my Sponsor that her husband was getting his 20 year token at a meeting nearby. I used to go to this meeting regularly, for years, and haven't been for probably a year, to this particular meeting. Even though it meant I had to miss evening church, I decided that I needed to be there. It's the first time she's EVER texted me, and it had been a mighty long time since I'd seen or spoken with her.    (I <3 don="don" even="even" i="i" if="if" in="in" keep="keep" my="my" nbsp="nbsp" p="p" sponsor="sponsor" t="t" touch="touch" very="very" well.="well.">I have had Sandy as my go-to Sponsor for quite a few years, although I admit that I feel guilty for not "using" her as I was taught. As I think about it, I suppose this probably has a lot to do with my (distant, emotionally, by necessity) relationship with my Mom. It's difficult for me to get close to a "Mother" figure, as I've never felt all that close to Mom. I love her, I just don't really know what to do with that, besides bob and weave.
Anyway, it was wonderful to see my Sponsor and several oldtimers tonight. I teased her hubby that we both haven't aged a BIT from 20 years, and poked him to lie back to me. ; )
So, I'm renewing my plans to include a meeting at least every other week, and maybe even getting to know my Sponsor again. : )

Welcome, friends!

Can you imagine my surprise when I discovered that someone mentioned in a previous post ("Recovering...") had made the special effort to stop by and see my blog?! I'm so tickled to know that I've still got so much power and control over those living in the problem.  It just tickles me to remember how it was to be so new to the world, minus the security blanket of my drug of choice AND still struggling to be in charge.
 All the things the old timers told me about what happens to those who stop the drugs w/o making any real spiritual/emotional changes, are clearly true. I'm reminded of the old saying "There's a God, & I'm not Him." Funny to have met someone who's still so adamantly rebelling against that simple truth. I am so grateful today, to have found the peace and joy that can only be found in a right relationship with my Creator.
I am grateful, for sure.
So glad to see who I'm not, anymore.
: )

Recovering...with a little help from my friends...

It has been quite a while since I've posted here because I have no idea why it's stopped refreshing and/or showing up on the timeline thingy (on the left side usually, under blogs you follow), and therefore I don't know if anyone even knows it still exists...
So, I'm hoping to get that straightened out, but in the meantime, please go to the FUNCTIONING blog, "Abbie in Wonderland" @   www.abbieaw.blogspot.com
By the way, The subject line was initiated by a recent experience I had with a "recovery program" being conducted in a local church. Turns out it is an ego-driven "class" being controlled by a couple with a total of maybe 3 years...DRY. Abstinent, maybe, but seriously, it's not anything that's likely to ever produce anything like the spirituality I've found in the 12-step programs. I'm not sure what, if anything, to say or do about it, but I am certain that if the Pastor were aware of the agenda in this group, he'd be pretty upset. The Pastor is a wonderful and Christlike man. The Directors of the group have the typical ego-driven need for, well, let's just say it's all about THEM.

So, I'm remaining happy, joyous and free, for the most part, with help from my friends and my God. NOT this odd group.

The post in which I get to talk about Christ AND drugs!! (GET DOWN!)

Ok, So last Sunday we had a "family meeting" at church. The jist of it is this: Our Senior Pastor left his position a cpl years ago (not happy about it, but he'd gotten away from preaching the Bible, and we're just funny about that), and we got to keep the EXTRAVAGANT double mortgage on the building that HE had to have built (I guess a statue would have been a tad too obvious), along with the crazy-big bills that come with maintaining such a pretty/large place. So, we had this meeting, where everyone who's stayed since then - if you've experienced a kind of split, you know it's exactly like a divorce 8-( - attemded,. and we discussed what we're going to do. The fact is, like finances can wreck a marriage, the money situation has become a source of great stress and turmoil. Senior Pastor Guy was the only person who pushed for the building that's easily twice the size needed, and like in a divorce situation, it looks like we're going to have to move to a more manageable-sized place. People were talking about starting a daycare to try to raise more income (and keep where we are, physically), leasing the building out to another church, or selling some of the land....  
*Ok, I say "have to move", but honestly, short of a really big miracle, it's the only thing that's going to work, and so "get to move" is more appropriate.*
Anyway, the topic went around to ministries. They've taken a serious hit since almost all the money coming in has been used to try to keep the building up. Our Pastoress : ) and her hubby have been consistent in encouraging and helping with any kind of ministry anyone wants to do, but there's not been any financial backing for a little while, now. The Big Guy and I were sitting and observing, and there were good and encouraging things brought up, and we were all in agreement that as a body, we are going to give some lengthy prayer to hearing what God wants us to do from here.
At some point, I noticed that I'd gotten a call & voicemail from an unknown number. 
After we got back home, I listened to the vm and it was from an acquaintance in AA, telling me about his d-i-l and her Meth problem. He asked me to call him back & when I did, he explained more of the situation. 

Nicknames for methamphetamine vary from region to region.
Nicknames in the English speaking world include:


"meth"  "ice" "shaboo" "crystal" "crystal meth" "crystal speed" "glass" "Tina" (gay community) "batu"    
"batunas" "crank" "white" "scanté" "czecho"
For more info click on me

Long story short, I ended up sending our Pastoress a text, about talking about people's ministries last night, and while I was still there, recieving a call out of the blue (It's been months since I'd seen the guy in AA, and longer since I've gotten a 12-step call!)to help with an addict. "Coincidence?" I asked her.
The reply came soon:
"I think not!"
So. Yay God.
P.S. that same Sunday, the hubby & I celebrated a year of marital bliss! Ok, not maybe BLISS, but way closer than either of us has ever DREAMT of.

So happy together...

Time to Worship, so Sit Down and Shut Up

Found on "the church of no people"

I visited a new church last Sunday.

Visiting churches can be scary. But my wife and I were out of town on Sunday, and I don’t believe in skipping worship just because God has blessed us with the means to go on vacation. (Plus, God gives extra points for vacation church, and extra extra points for bragging about it.) So we drove down the street and picked a church based solely on their meeting time.

I’ve visited many churches and experienced many types of worship. But I had forgotten how long it had been since I was outside my comfort zone. The people were friendly and all that. Though the pastor and praise team were absolutely not comfortable with any stray moment of silence. They were saying, “Praise the Lord,” and “Thank you, Jesus,” like it was a nervous, spastic tic, even when it made no sense. This continued on for an hour and a half, at the end of which my wife and I were saying, “Sweet Jesus, let’s get out of here and eat lunch!”


It reminded me how diverse worship is, and how I’m only comfortable with a small slice of it. Really, a lot of worship makes me uncomfortable. I want to emphasize that I have nothing against Christians who worship differently than me. I’m just uncomfortable around them. So I started wondering if I should just be more comfortable with Christians who worship differently from me, or if they should take a seat and not draw so much attention to themselves.

I came up with five types of Christian worshippers. Which one are you?


The Keep-It-to-Yourself Christian

This is the least distracting Christian. This person sits quietly, stands when they’re supposed to, and hardly makes any audible sounds. If anything spiritual is going on with this person, only God knows about it. Some more boisterous Christians might be tempted to be annoyed with this guy, but hey, he just doesn’t care to put on a show for your sake.



The Self-Conscious Christian

This is me. I sing the songs, but not too loud, because I can’t carry a tune. I’ll tap the chair in front of me with my hands and kind of move around, but I have a really hard time moving my hands higher then waist height because: A) my arms are so manly that I don’t want to cause my sisters in Christ to stumble, and B) because I know by putting my hands up in the air, the guy behind me won’t be able to see the screen. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve got sweet dance moves (ask my wife.) I’ve been in several Black Eye Peas videos as a body double for Will.i.am (well, that’s not true.) I just don’t rock dat body in worship.



The Non-Stop Talk Christian

This is the person who, like the people in the church we visited, seem deathly afraid of any moment of silence during worship. Thus, this person has been gifted with speaking in tongues…or failing that, just saying, “Praise God,” again and again. If they’re really gifted, they’ll be appointed to pray, and will litter their prayers with copious “Lord God” phrases, as if God needs to reminded we’re talking to Him. Maybe we should start snapping our fingers to get God’s attention. And if you get two or more of these people in the same room, you have a showdown on your hands as they see who can be more encouraging with their ad-lib God-shout-outs.



The Front Row Christian

The front row in church is a very special place. I don’t go there, and it isn’t because I’m afraid of being that close to God, who obviously is huddling inside the pulpit, feeding the pastor his lines. No, I’m not a front row Christian, because it’s obviously a gang of Christians who I don’t fit in with. I don’t know what it is about the front row. Why are people in the front row so often the ones drawing everyone’s attention? There’s always a front row-er who’s the loudest in the room, with their hands raised highest (thus, I never learn the lyrics of any songs.) Does the front row attract attention seekers, or does it convert them into loud, raucous worshippers? Or are they just trying to set an example for the rest of us? Which came first: the front row, or the front row Christian?



The Only-Person-Doing-That Christian

For a special few Christian soldiers, the front row just can’t contain them. It’s okay for amatuers, but once you graduate from stretching your hands to block everyone’s view and yelling over everyone so God can hear you, you have to start to make your own way. Every once in a while you’ll meet one of these people who’s totally comfortable with doing something no one else is doing. Last week, a woman (of course, in the front row) decided the third verse of the second song was just the right moment to start waving a flag. Yes, a flag. A cloth on a stick, which she brought from home. That was new to me, but she was going to town with that thing. I don’t know why she had to be in the front row. I felt a definate draft from the air conditioner from my vantage point. Her flag would’ve fluttered for Jesus just fine where I was sitting, halfway back. At another church I witnessed a woman doing an interpretive dance (also up front, obviously). I don’t know if this woman had mixed up church with her yoga class, but she came prepared, wearing a leotard and everything.



I’ve still never been to a snake handling church. And there’s always been lots of ways people have worshipped. People have praised God by speaking in tongues, rolling on the floor and barking like dogs (Yes. Apparently the barkers made John Wesley a tad uncomfortable.) I’m glad I wasn’t visiting church in ancient Israel on “Circumcision Day.” That would be almost as uncomfortable as trying to escape a Baptist church without responding to the altar call.



I just can’t figure it out. I try to love other Christians and accept their worship. But I can’t deny that their worship definately interferes with my worship. I’m sitting there, trying not to stare at someone flailing around in the front row when I should be focused on God.



What do you think? What kind of worshipper are you? Does anything go when it comes to church? Should I get off my throne of judgement, or should the people in the front row take a seat and blend in?



Ok, I love this guy's style, and I've been giving a lot of thought to seeing what else is out there, as far as a church home...I'm sure I fit into more than a couple of these categories, depending on my outlook, that day. I'm so grateful that God doesn't use a coookie-cutter to make us.  What do you think?

News...

Ok, so last week, I took my Sweety to the Dr., and he told him to go get an EEG. (I told you, right?) Well, Saturday night "we" had the most bizarre experience. I wish I had time to go into it, but suffice it to say that he had one of his "siezures" for 3-5 hours, and did not remember anything the next morning. I would have sworn he was completetly obliterated, like drunk or something, but there was no odor, and it wasn't exactly like that. He was slurring his words, stumbling, etc., and introduced me to "the guys" (regulars) at the bar-part of the restaurant, AGAIN. I didn't know whether to be pi$$ed off or sad, so I was both. Well, the next morning I went to church alone and didn't talk to my man about it until I got back home, when he explained that he didn't "do" anything, and he also had no recall from about 7 pm until 11:30 or so when he finally went to bed....
We've been addressing the anxiety issues, but is this a part of that? Or something else altogether? Idk. I'm grateful to have friends at church who are more than willing to pray. Oh, and 23 days from now, he gets to have an MRI donr. We returned to the Dr. this morning and he seemed fairly concerned. the Mr. is scheduled to work W-TH-FR, and I'm not looking forward to that. The siezures flare up almost exclusively when he's at work. He's been on the couch for most of the day today, just not feeling quite right. I asked him to  try to describe it, and he said almost like out-of-body... Sounds kinda like dissassociating.
Sigh.
This one gets to go on both blogs.

The Spirit of...?

Hello, fellow readers and/or bloggers. Today is the 17th, and Christmas is just SCREEEEEAMING around the corner to land squarely in our laps. I always forget how fast and stealthy it can be!
This morning I got up early-I know "on a Saturday!?" right?! And felt like feeding my spirit. It's been slim pickin's lately in my little world, and I know that's due mostly to me and my own lack of action.
So, after doing a little housework, I dug out the old Brownsville Revival videos. It's been a while since I've gotten them out, so I figured whatever it was, it would be good for me. (Don't ask why there has never been any labelling of the videotapes. I just know they're SOMETHING from B-ville.) Turns out it was. Steve Hill was preaching out of Acts 17. The name of the sermon was "Babble On". I smile to myself now as I think of the unforgettable delivery style Steve has. It was good, like a cool drink of water after a dusty day. I still want ot order some videos off of the Brownsville site, or perhaps Michael Brown from one ot the sites he's involved with. I guess what I'm saying is, am I the only one who's feeling rather depleted in the spitirual food department?
I know I'm not. Problem is, I'm not sure I'm uncomfortable enough yet to get off my butt and seek God like He deserves. Dad used to say that when the discomfort from doing nothing got worse than the fear of change, (something like that) that's when a person would get moving.
I was tickled that the church listened when I suggested our having a New Years' thing, like "Praying in the New Year", you know? An alternative to whatever else is out there for hte night...My thought was a few hours of PRAYING and SEEKING God, with some worship and encouragement in Christ thrown in...
Yeah. I guess I should have spoken up more loudly.
It's turned into a "seeker-centered"/ outreach thing. Games, a band (playing secular music), food, more games, and some movies. That sounds like fun, doesn't it? I think it will probably be fun for whomever joins us. I don't even want to go, now, because I'm so disappointed...
It's all about change-or rather, willingness to have GOD change me/us/things.
Anyway, I found this last quotation on facebook. A friend of mine occasionally puts up some excellent things to ponder, and I wanted to share this one. (So I'll always know where it is, to quote my Dad) ; )
I hate to get all somber and serious, for the most part, but we ARE in rather serious times.

"In the world it is called Tolerance, but in hell it is called Despair, the sin that believes in nothing, cares for nothing, seeks to know nothing, interferes with nothing, enjoys nothing, hates nothing, finds purpose in nothing, lives for nothing, and remains alive because there is nothing for which it will die." ~ Dorothy L. Sayers died on December 17, 1957


We must seek Him while there is still time.

Post # 100! Wow!

Conviction?

OK, so yesterday I went to church. The same one that there is a link to (the website, that is) on my list over there
<---------
where we're been going regularly for about 6 years. Last Sunday morning we did not go there. We (the boys and I) went to a slightly smaller, yet fuller, and more established congregation. I am feeling restless at our "home church". Seriously. More and more to where I am considering going in to talk to the Pastor today.
I love the people there. I appreciate the style in which Pastor delivers the message, and he does use scripture, for sure. But yesterday, I believe that the message was so skewed from a principle piece of the scripture used, that I contemplated leaving. The verse he was drawing the teaching from, was basically God stating a list of people that He was referring to, who were adulterers, liars, hypocrites, gossips, etc., and it ended with Him saying "but do not fear me".
Now, I read and re-read the paragraph this was taken from, wanting to be sure of the context, and get a better grasp on what the Preacher was saying. He took the last part and emphasized that the Lord was telling them (us) not to fear Him. That even though all of these sins were true, that they ought not to fear God, but instead to just come to Him and repent. Now, don't get me wrong, I am COMPLETELY down with our unending need to repent. (Meaning to change from the awful things we used to do, which is where the 12 steps come in handy, in my experience)I find it very much like the phenomenon that occurs after my boy has FINALLY gotten his rear warmed after asking for it for quite a while, and he has time to consider his actions --there comes a peaceful reconnecting and a calm time of reaffirming the love between us...
But the verse was CLEARLY stating that one of the things wrong with these people being described was that they do not fear God. This is a real difference from being told NOT to fear Him, isn't it? It seemed like there was such care being taken--just my perception, granted--not to condemn anyone (which is a good thing, b/c there is NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus), that there was nothing there to CONVICT our hearts.

I don't want to find another church. I really like these people.
As the "worship band" was playing a song, an old OLD man got up and kind of danced/shuffled around a little bit, which is somewhat unusual, but not really stare-worthy, there. I saw people smiling at him and he was smiling and obviously getting into the spirit and the music. This would be a great time for the band to play the song a little longer or another one like it,(Doesn't God appreciate it when His people SHOW their happiness to be there, and to be worshipping Him?)I thought. But our leaders, I assume, have a schedule to keep. There is no room for any considerations of the Spirit moving or maybe wanting to take a few more minutes to allow for an old saint's heart connection to God. Really, what if they HAD given a few more minutes there? Other folks would likely have joined him, and then there might have been MORE disruption of the schedule...
I'm sorry for any one that might take offense to that. I admit that I have been ruined for anything "average" when it comes to certain things of God. It's like if all you've ever had was that water with the sulfur-taste to it, and you know, it's all you've ever tasted, so it's ok. It's water, nothing exciting, but it's what you need when there's nothing else available. Then one day someone brings you some fresh, clean, cool water, that has no odor, and the taste is crisp and perfect. You take a sip at first, because you figure it will be like what you've always had, and that's certainly not anything that you want to gulp down! Never having experienced anything else, there's no reason for you to believe that this water will be better, but you try it, because you can see this person is CONVINCED, and there MIGHT be some truth to it, it just might be as good as they seem to think. But, they tell you, you've got to get it now, because I don't know how much more I can get. They had been looking for it for a long time, you find, and it finally arrived. Now they are sharing it with everyone they can, and the response has been enough to convince others to come and try it. This water IS really really good.

The problem is that great care is needed to keep the stream flowing, and once the water gets contaminated in any way, it will eventually effect all of it, and the result will become tainted like what everyone else in the world has. Someone had a germ on their hands while they were bringing it to the masses, and the damage was done. It spread quickly, before anyone even realized it. Sadly, this is often the case when humans are involved in something so wonderful: being human leaves room for us to err.

So, this leaves me in the place where I am today. I have tasted the water, and now I feel like the rest of my life will be spent in search of that stream. I know it exists because I have tasted it and bathed in it. It's memory is singed into my DNA, I guess. So I am going to embark on another journey to find another Spring of Living Water. I have such a thirst, in fact a Dentist told me recently that my saliva glands don't produce as much as they ought. Ironic, isn't it? My mouth and my heart feel dry, really dry, so often.

In case this sound like it has been overly dramatized, it hasn't. I've looked over the words to be sure, and as God helps me, this is the truth.
Just another addict seeking MORE. But now it's about finding more of the ONE who satisfies. I've tried everything else. Nothing else fills that God-sized hole.

Thanks for reading.