I'm not gone, just resting...

I've written a bit, today, and if you're really curious, you may (please) go see it here.
Thank you for coming to my little piece of cyberspace. Please leave a comment so I know you've been here. :)
Enjoy.

A great day to be above ground & sucking air. :)

The weather seems to have turned to a more pleasant place, for now. Not a lot to report, today, but tomorrow I'm going to pick up a Sponsee & go over her 1st step. It's amazing the miracles that occur from a simple thing like following directions. (GO FIGURE!) Things are still in the constant state of flux, here. Big Guy starts new job in 2 days. God's moving us...
"Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Ha ha

 Have a good Tuesday, friends.

Just a reminder- and a great way to start a weekend ;)

Watch "Creed by Rich Mullins" on YouTube

What am I really hungry for, part 2

This afternoon I was listening to the radio and the usual afternoon women's talk show had a lady talking about a plan for changing your eating habits. (I did not say diet, you'll notice. ) Anyway, the thing that struck me about this chat, was when someone said that instead of just grabbing something to eat, they stop themselves, and ask what they are hungry for: food, or God? Hm. I am SO in need of this kind of thought alteration. I know that when I eat I am actually using food for something it is not meant for. (Trying to fill the God-sized hole, of course. Oddly enough, that's the gist of what the meeting was about this afternoon!)
So, yeah. I must incorporate this pause into my daily routine. Thank GOD the tap water here is so good. Just gotta get in to the habit again of drinking a lot more water.
Catch ya L8r! ;o)
abbie

This one was published in 2008. Wow. I've gotta post an updated gratitude list soon...  :)
And, P.S. if you're wondering why it's been so long between posts, again, PLEASE go read here. 

Spring break already?!

Hiya! I've been away for a couple of weeks, now, and the best excuse I can give you is that I've gotten a new phone (2, actually, I had to return the first new one after ALMOST mastering it! UGH!!), and it's been kind of consuming me, as I try to figure out all the cool stuff it's got. (I got a cheap-ish Android. Just the basics, but WOW!) We stayed with Straight Talk, as our providers, even though their customer service HAS to be the ABSOLUTE worst. As I say that, I realize that I've not dealt with many Customer Service ppl, and it's possible that there are way worse ones out there. Eep! O.o
Anyway, that's not why I wanted to check in. Here's why:
I've been texting & emailing with a long-lost friend, lately. She's wonderful and so strong. She's got over 5 years clean, which is no small feat, in itself, and recently had a baby. Awesome, huh? Yeah, it kinda is. Then, you factor in her older son's struggle with (untreated) depression -lives with his dad-and failing grades in school, and you add the constant turmoil with a violent and psychotic ex, and custodial drama with the baby-daddy, and her own physical health issues...and it just makes it all too clear how getting clean is NOT the end of the race. It's a start in the right direction, but life, itself is SO much more complicated than "get off the _____, and live right!" one might think.
There's a saying in meetings about clearing away the wreckage of the past, and my dear friend, like everyone who has had a chemical dependency, has quite an accumulation of wreckage. But she does have one strong asset going for her that the majority of addicts don't, necessarily: She's got a Bible-believing support group, in addition to the step meetings, and she know where to find the answers. She's so smart and willing to do what she must.
I really can't say how proud I am of her, and how much I'm praying and rooting for her to get the dragons slayed. Most of us come into recovery with relationship (hostage) issues, and I'd bet a large majority of addicts and alcoholics have underlying mental health issues, too. These are just a couple of the things that have to be addressed to get to the real goal: Peace. Happiness (occasionally, at least). Self-supporting through our own contributions.... and, basically just LIVING rather than surviving.
So, when you're counting your blessings, and saying your prayers, keep this in mind, will ya? And add my friend to your prayers.
Thanks. God bless you.

Going back home...

This afternoon I got a text from my Sponsor that her husband was getting his 20 year token at a meeting nearby. I used to go to this meeting regularly, for years, and haven't been for probably a year, to this particular meeting. Even though it meant I had to miss evening church, I decided that I needed to be there. It's the first time she's EVER texted me, and it had been a mighty long time since I'd seen or spoken with her.    (I <3 don="don" even="even" i="i" if="if" in="in" keep="keep" my="my" nbsp="nbsp" p="p" sponsor="sponsor" t="t" touch="touch" very="very" well.="well.">I have had Sandy as my go-to Sponsor for quite a few years, although I admit that I feel guilty for not "using" her as I was taught. As I think about it, I suppose this probably has a lot to do with my (distant, emotionally, by necessity) relationship with my Mom. It's difficult for me to get close to a "Mother" figure, as I've never felt all that close to Mom. I love her, I just don't really know what to do with that, besides bob and weave.
Anyway, it was wonderful to see my Sponsor and several oldtimers tonight. I teased her hubby that we both haven't aged a BIT from 20 years, and poked him to lie back to me. ; )
So, I'm renewing my plans to include a meeting at least every other week, and maybe even getting to know my Sponsor again. : )

The End of The World...has come and gone.

Well, I thought I oughta tell  you about an "End of the World" partyt I got to go to last weekend. I know that for most of my life as an addict, I'd have been WONDERING what had happened while I was there. However, this year, as I recently celebrated having been clean for 20 years, things went quite a bit differently than way back then. 
My dearest friend, Barb & her 3 sons came up from her home in Tn to visit with her Mom, who lives just a short drive from me. Since the 2012 Blizzard had not yet hit, it was a nice drive for my 2 boys and I to go and spend a few hours. 
Unlike my family, Barb's little klan seems to have somehow managed to sidestep the addict gene, so they occasionally have a little "medicinal" recreation, let's say. While we were making sure I remembered how to get to (Barb's) Mom's house, Barb made sure I knew that Mom was planning on "partaking" at her party, having never done so before. At 75 years of age, I found this pretty funny-knowing the experiences of 2 out of her 4 kids to have been similar to my own, it seems like Mom woulda had to have checked thingsout by now, right? But, she'd apparently been hold out for the end of the world, and verily, the time had come. 
Long and short of it: by the time the boys & I arrived, there was a small pan of brownies that was untouched "the Clean batch", and about half of the LARGER batch was gone. It was a familiar sight, with everyone sitting around the table, glazed eyes and zoned looks ... I smiled and started picking on the closest of Barb's boys, telling him he looked REALLY thirsty....He grinned that red-eyed grin that so many of us know, oh, so well. Barb's Mom didn't particularly look any different but I learned later that she had had a couple of the "good" brownies and seemed to have fun.
The thing about this whole scene that made me want to post about it, is this: I was happy  to  get to hang out with my friend for a few hours, since it only happens every few years, and  I was prepared to deal with the fact that one of my long-time favorites was going to be there. Honestly, knowing that Mom's house is HUGE, I only had a minimal concern about the odor (didn't know that they were going to be eating, for the most part) bothering me, and having thought it through (the inevitable consequences if I chose to use) so many times, I wasn't uncomfortable at all about the proximity. A couple of reasons that also helped me know that I would leave there with the same clean date that I arrived there with:
1. My boys were with me, and I am determined to give them reason to make wiser choices than I did...
2. My Darling husband inspires me to keep up the good fight.
3. My relationship with my Savior gives me strength to keep my priorities in mind.
4. I haven't been through the ________ of the last 20 years to give away my clean date on a silly whim!! 
5. Oh, and also, there's NO WAY there woulda been enough of ANYTHING to satisfy my need for numbness if I would have began the self-destruct, again. 
So, it was great seeing my best friend from 8th grade and her sweet boys. I always enjoy spending time with Barb. We understand each other like not many people I know. I support her even when I don't agree with her, and I know that she feels the same toward me. 
I am hopeful that someday in the NOT too distant future, we will again be neighbors. Until then, we'll just have to be long distance BUDS Friends. LOL

About me...

So this is December, 2012. So far the temperatures have felt a lot like winter in the middle of Florida, instead of central Indiana. Balmy, almost. Tomorrow it's supposed to get closer to the norm, they say. I'm kind of enjoying the variety.
I've been pretty much "cheating" on my blogging duties, here for a while, and this post marks my returning to the kind of blogging that reveals a bit more of who I am, in hopes that through my story, you might somehow feel better about living your own story.
I suppose that the best place to begin this new revelationary section is to try to catch you up to what's going on in my world. Wow, now I'm wondering if it's even possible for me to touch briefly on things without this becoming a 500-page novella!

In case we haven't met:
Hi. I'm Abbie. I've been married to the Man o' my Dreams for coming up on 2 years. We met on http://www.christiandatingforfree.com  about 3 years ago. I'd been looking (for him, I now know) for several years, and yes it included kissing more than a couple frogs. I figured out after a while that even on a Christian site, you have to read the ads a lot like you'd read any ad trying to sell something. (Read between the lines. A LOT.) He was living and working at the Fort Wayne, IN. Salvation Army where he'd gotten clean & sober, and my 2 boys and I were living in Franklin, IN. in "subsidized housing" while I worked on a degree in Substance Abuse Counseling. Several years before he & I getting together, I'd found a small church that I'd grown to love.
Prior to recovery, I'd almost exclusively been taught about the harsh/wrathful angry God, which led me to conclude after a while that I'd just as soon not even try to do "right" since I hadn't EVER been able to measure up, even to just the requirements of my earthly father.  Probably halfway into the years of my active addiction, I decided that I'd just focus on being "EVIL".
As far as the details of my life in active addiction, really? If you've ever been an addict or are now, let me assure you, our stories aren't much different. Maybe the locations, the "circles" we ran in might have been different, but what matters, really, is the feelings and the fact that I had been willing to do whatever was required to get the HELL away from ME. Sound familiar?
I suppose I should tell you that before I found drugs and alcohol (self-medicating, you know), I'd already come to the conclusion that there were things in my mind that were, uh, different from everyone else. I still wonder sometimes which came first: the mental illness or the addiction? Not that it really matters, but it is something I wonder about.

I'm the mother of 2 beautiful boys, B & E, and at the moment we cohabitate with 3 cats: Oli, Booger, and Pretty. At different times, we've had Leopard Gekko's, birds, and I also had a little chinchilla for a time, while living in Germany. I've always enjoyed the company of animals over that of humans, and in retrospect I believe that I feel that way due to the dysfunction in my family of origin. The only emotional constants were fear and rage. (Dad did his best, but that's how he was raised. Mom tried to protect me, but it was not an easy proposition.) I was left to find comfort and love from my pet.
Don't get me wrong: my parents did their very best. Don't we all? "This is how I was raised, and so it's what comes naturally" while dealing with the rigors of family life. I knew I never wanted my kids to be as terrified of me as I was of my Dad. Thank God I saw that there was a better way to live, before I had any children of my own.
Well, that's about all I've got for now. Here's the short version of some things I've left out:
I am a Follower of Christ, NOT "religious". My children mean more ot me than they can imagine. I have many regrets where my "parenting" them is concerned, but by the grace of God, I'm learning... I have an odd sense of humor and sometimes I've been known to be "inappropriate". (Whoops!) I don't take myself too seriously, and I rely heavily on the grace of God. I love the country, prefer contemporary Christian music or Worship/Praise tunes. My best friends have primarily been 4-footed, and I'm a little bit crafty.
Blessings & ttfn ; )

Happy Thursday!

Greetings, fellow Wanderers, Seekers, and occasional Dancers! I've gotta tell you, this week has been fraught with good stuff.
One good thing was that I heard God telling me something as I was telling my sweet hubby something entirely different. It was painful to accept, but the gist was that I need to let go of some "dreams" I've been holding onto for SO long. The lesson was, I'm hoping and trusting, that as I let go of the dream, God will fill the empty hand with something FAR better-something of HIS choosing (-which always turns out better, anyway) I won't be surprised if there are other dreams of my own creation that I need to release, but the one that I was confronted with the other day was a good step, I think.
Another good GOOD thing, is that I seem to have somehow gotten past (translation: DELIVERED FROM) the serious resentments I've held onto towards my ex-husband for SO so long. Somehow, that in itself could have a part to play in some other great developments in our little home. I'll just say that there is a new element to the relationship between the Big Guy and the Little One, which has been delightful for all involved.  :) And it's not even Christmas, yet!!
Meanwhile, in the rest of the world, the onslaught of fleas has not yet been conquered. I've tried everything I think short of bombing the apartment and getting the cats to a vet to be flea-dipped. That's likely to take a large chunk out of the (SMALL) Christmas funds, but it's all I want for a present at this point. Poor little critters are all ate up and they are just miserable. God, HELP!!
Take it easy, kids. Let's meet at a meeting soon, k? : )  

It works IF YOU WORK it.

Why the Hostility Toward the 12 Steps?

These misconceptions about 12-Step programs could interfere with recovery

Published on November 20, 2012 by David Sack, M.D. in Where Science Meets the Steps

Few approaches to addiction generate as much controversy as 12-Step recovery. On one side are the ardent supporters of the program, some of whom credit it with saving their lives. On the other side are the critics and those who found that the program didn’t resonate with them or even hindered their recovery. Both have valid points, and both, in the end, are seeking answers to a problem that defies easy solutions.
It is understandable that 12-Step recovery would generate such strong opposing views. The program touches on fundamental questions everyone has to answer for themselves. Still, it works for many where other approaches fail – and that, to me, is enough to warrant further investigation.
Although it is by no means a perfect program, many of the objections to 12-Step recovery are based on widespread misconceptions. Let’s clear up a few of the most common misunderstandings:
#1 You have to be religious or believe in God to make the program work.

The 12 Steps contain numerous references to God or a higher power, and some meetings conclude with a prayer. Although the Steps were initially conceived from a Christian point of view, the core principles have been beneficial for millions of people who do not believe in God. Like other texts and programs, the 12 Steps are a series of words and concepts that are open to interpretation.
Some people have difficulty maintaining abstinence by willpower alone and need to look outside themselves to a “higher power” to change their behavior. A higher power can be a religious deity or entity, but it can also be the power of a group working toward a common goal, nature or some other outside force. If you feel uncomfortable with the spirituality of a particular group, keep searching until you find a closer match.
#2 Powerlessness frees the addict from accepting responsibility.
While the initial choice to use drugs or alcohol is within the individual’s control, once physical or psychological dependence sets in, they have lost control. Despite repeated attempts to quit, they continue using even in the face of job loss, financial and legal troubles, and other negative consequences. Powerlessness occurs because prolonged drug abuse changes the structure and function of the brain, and it takes time in sobriety to repair the damage.
Powerlessness does not mean that the addict is inherently flawed, exempt from thinking for themselves or incapable of recovery, or that they can rely on their higher power to fix everything without taking steps to improve their own lives. That would contradict the entire premise of the 12-Step program. Instead, it is a statement about the nature of the disease, designed to remove the blame and shame that often prevent addicts from getting help, and to show addicts one way of reclaiming power over their lives.
#3 Addicts substitute their addiction with a dependence on 12-Step meetings.
As a chronic, relapsing disease, long-term care is vital for sustained addiction recovery. If meetings provide some recovering addicts with the support and fellowship they need, they are encouraged to keep going as long as they wish. In the early stages, people may benefit from frequent attendance, which often diminishes over time as they develop other support systems and become more firmly grounded in their recovery.
Addicted or not, everyone needs support. If recovering addicts find that support in 12-Step meetings, they should continue to go. This type of ongoing participation in a program that improves members’ lives is very different from a destructive drug or alcohol dependency.
#4 The 12-Step program is a cult.
Twelve-Step programs have overarching principles and traditions that may seem unusual to people unfamiliar with addiction and recovery. It is a close-knit group of people who share similar struggles, but this does not make it a cult. People are free to participate or not, and to take what works for them and leave the rest. There is hope that participants will embrace the wisdom of some of the 12-Step principles but they are also encouraged to think critically and to find their own way.
#5 There are too many rules.
Twelve-Step recovery is full of guiding principles and suggestions, but there are actually very few rules. Working the Steps is a choice participants make, of their own volition, every day. You can come and go as you choose, adapt the program to suit your needs, and if you relapse, the group will welcome you back with open hearts.
The 12-Step principles are not random or haphazard. Rather, they address specific deficits in learning, memory, empathy and other areas impacted by drug abuse. Sharing stories, along with routinely scheduled meetings and oft-repeated mantras, for example, help addicts remember the next right thing to do even when their thinking is still clouded by drugs.
#6 Twelve-Step recovery is for old men, losers and people who are too weak to do it on their own.
This misconception is based on inaccurate and outdated information. Addiction is a chronic, progressive illness, not an issue of willpower, and it affects all types of people. The opposite of weak, it takes tremendous strength and courage to reach out for help. Some people may be able to recover on their own, but most cannot – and there is no shame in that. People with other chronic diseases do not expect to heal themselves, nor should addicts. Even teens benefit from 12-step programs.
Addicts often feel they are different, better or less damaged than the people they meet at 12-Step meetings. In a group as diverse as is typically found in a 12-Step meeting, it would be surprising to instantly connect with, or even agree with, the perspectives of every member. You may look different on the surface but inside, the people in 12-Step recovery are fighting to stay clean just like you. Even if their stories are different, the underlying messages, struggles and goals are similar. If you feel out of place in a specific meeting, look inward to see if you are unfairly judging people before you get to know them. If you get to know the people a bit better and still feel uncomfortable, consider trying a few other meetings.
#7 Twelve-Step programs don’t work.
There has always been a divide between two schools of thought on addiction: the scientific community and the recovery community. At least in part because of this divide, there is a lack of scientific evidence documenting how and why the 12-Step program works (though anecdotal evidence is abundant). Science has long dismissed 12-Step recovery, leaving a dearth of data where 75 years of history should provide much more, and 12-Step recovery has long rejected the need for and validity of scientific inquiry. But the necessary conclusion is not that 12-Step recovery doesn’t work; rather, the research, to date, has been inadequate.
It’s unfortunate that 12-Step recovery is widely misunderstood and under-researched. Even less fortunate is the fact that these misconceptions drive people away from the process before they can evaluate whether the program might make a difference in their recovery. Like any single approach to addiction, 12-Step recovery isn’t for everyone. But for those who give it a fair try, the potential payoff is great. Recovery is not just about stopping one isolated behavior (drug use) but learning a new way of life – and this is the real value of 12-Step recovery.
David Sack, M.D., is board certified in psychiatry, addiction psychiatry, and addiction medicine. As CEO of Elements Behavioral Health he oversees addiction treatment programs at Promises Treatment Centers in Malibu and West Los Angeles, The Ranch outside Nashville, The Recovery Place rehab in Florida, Texas drug rehab The Right Step and Spirit Lodge, and San Cristobal rehab for men in New Mexico. You can follow Dr. Sack on Twitter @drdavidsack.

Forgiving Ourselves

I'm borrowing this from a friend who said it probably much better than I could have...

So forgiving ourselves....probably the most difficult part of becoming emotionally healthy. H was telling me about a group where the girls shared their secrets and concluded their speaking time with "And I forgive myself." The room had dim lights and ocean music playing as they read their list of secrets. Some of the women read their most hidden secrets and concluded with, "And I *can't* forgive myself." God....that breaks my heart. Every time I think of those girls, all of whom I have now met....although I don't know anyone's secrets or who is finding it impossible to forgive themselves...it gets me.

H and I talked about g-ma and her death bed letting go events. Letting go of the guilt and shame that she had carried for all of her adult life. H said she has thought about her g-ma a lot while in treatment. I know that g-ma would want our girl to be free and not carry to her death bed the burdens and the shame that she herself carried to her's.

I think forgiving ones self must be so very humbling. I would imagine that you come to a place of being desperate enough to accept forgiveness. I think so much of the time we are trained to not take anything that we haven't worked for that we almost can't trust the grace and forgiveness that is offered to us by God. What if we accept it and He takes it back? Or He changes His mind and decides we really aren't worthy after all. Its risky business to lay it all out there. I do believe that as we experience God's forgiveness and acceptance, it brings us to a place of being able to forgive ourselves.

 I know that my experiences with God's forgiveness and unmerited compassion changed my life. My initial time of spiritual awakening was over 7 years ago and He hasn't defaulted on any of what He so graciously and mercifully gave to me....so maybe we are good. Those gifts have made me gentler with myself and with my fellow human beings. I still have some ways to go. I will until I am on *my* death bed because I will continue to make mistakes along the way because I am a mere human. Well meaning, but imperfect in a myriad of ways. My struggle is walking in acceptance of what is being offered to me. 

“I feel like, God expects me to be human. I feel like, God likes me just the way I am: broken and empty and bruised. I feel like, God doesn't look at me and wish that I were something else, because He likes me just this way. I feel like, God doesn't want me to close my eyes and pray for Him to make me holy or for Him to make me pure; because He made me human. I feel like, God already knows I'm human...it is I who needs to learn that.”
― C. Joy Bell C.

Walk gently with one another....
Annette

Recovering...with a little help from my friends...

It has been quite a while since I've posted here because I have no idea why it's stopped refreshing and/or showing up on the timeline thingy (on the left side usually, under blogs you follow), and therefore I don't know if anyone even knows it still exists...
So, I'm hoping to get that straightened out, but in the meantime, please go to the FUNCTIONING blog, "Abbie in Wonderland" @   www.abbieaw.blogspot.com
By the way, The subject line was initiated by a recent experience I had with a "recovery program" being conducted in a local church. Turns out it is an ego-driven "class" being controlled by a couple with a total of maybe 3 years...DRY. Abstinent, maybe, but seriously, it's not anything that's likely to ever produce anything like the spirituality I've found in the 12-step programs. I'm not sure what, if anything, to say or do about it, but I am certain that if the Pastor were aware of the agenda in this group, he'd be pretty upset. The Pastor is a wonderful and Christlike man. The Directors of the group have the typical ego-driven need for, well, let's just say it's all about THEM.

So, I'm remaining happy, joyous and free, for the most part, with help from my friends and my God. NOT this odd group.

Stuff and things...

Just in case you've not stepped over to the newer blog "Abbie in Wonderland", yet, I encourage you to do so. It's still me, and it actually updates itself on your blog-stream thingy. Seriously contemplating closing this one, much as I love it, if I can't get that feature to work again.
Anyway, things are shaking and being shook in our little town. I wish I didn't feel like I lived in a soap opera at times.
When it gets right down to it, I know that God is in charge, and therefore, He will work everything out for our good. At the same time, the enemy of our souls goes about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may destroy. Too bad JESUS took that lion's teeth out when He took my spot on the cross. Like my Dad would say: "the devil's a PUNK!" with his best imitation of Clint "Squinty Clinty" Eastwood.
By the way, I want to mention that this week my Dad woulda been 72 years young. He's been up in Heaven for 12 years, now and it still hurts like the day he left. Just not as often. Memories are like a hot coal, I can get close enough to see the beauty, and feel the warmth, but I just can't HELP from touching it; KNOWING that it's going to hurt a LOT.
I was talking to a nurse the other day and she mentioned that she'd lost her Dad, and we got to talking about that pain. I asked her how long it'd been, and she said "11 months". I'm not sure but I'd bet I was still trying to remain numb at that point.  It's funny. I discovered that in times of extreme sorrow and/or fear, my brain & body can somehow manage to numb themselves. Maybe it's related to sleeping being my favorite escape (since recovery). IDK.
Blessings to you all. This too shall pass.

The post in which I get to talk about Christ AND drugs!! (GET DOWN!)

Ok, So last Sunday we had a "family meeting" at church. The jist of it is this: Our Senior Pastor left his position a cpl years ago (not happy about it, but he'd gotten away from preaching the Bible, and we're just funny about that), and we got to keep the EXTRAVAGANT double mortgage on the building that HE had to have built (I guess a statue would have been a tad too obvious), along with the crazy-big bills that come with maintaining such a pretty/large place. So, we had this meeting, where everyone who's stayed since then - if you've experienced a kind of split, you know it's exactly like a divorce 8-( - attemded,. and we discussed what we're going to do. The fact is, like finances can wreck a marriage, the money situation has become a source of great stress and turmoil. Senior Pastor Guy was the only person who pushed for the building that's easily twice the size needed, and like in a divorce situation, it looks like we're going to have to move to a more manageable-sized place. People were talking about starting a daycare to try to raise more income (and keep where we are, physically), leasing the building out to another church, or selling some of the land....  
*Ok, I say "have to move", but honestly, short of a really big miracle, it's the only thing that's going to work, and so "get to move" is more appropriate.*
Anyway, the topic went around to ministries. They've taken a serious hit since almost all the money coming in has been used to try to keep the building up. Our Pastoress : ) and her hubby have been consistent in encouraging and helping with any kind of ministry anyone wants to do, but there's not been any financial backing for a little while, now. The Big Guy and I were sitting and observing, and there were good and encouraging things brought up, and we were all in agreement that as a body, we are going to give some lengthy prayer to hearing what God wants us to do from here.
At some point, I noticed that I'd gotten a call & voicemail from an unknown number. 
After we got back home, I listened to the vm and it was from an acquaintance in AA, telling me about his d-i-l and her Meth problem. He asked me to call him back & when I did, he explained more of the situation. 

Nicknames for methamphetamine vary from region to region.
Nicknames in the English speaking world include:


"meth"  "ice" "shaboo" "crystal" "crystal meth" "crystal speed" "glass" "Tina" (gay community) "batu"    
"batunas" "crank" "white" "scanté" "czecho"
For more info click on me

Long story short, I ended up sending our Pastoress a text, about talking about people's ministries last night, and while I was still there, recieving a call out of the blue (It's been months since I'd seen the guy in AA, and longer since I've gotten a 12-step call!)to help with an addict. "Coincidence?" I asked her.
The reply came soon:
"I think not!"
So. Yay God.
P.S. that same Sunday, the hubby & I celebrated a year of marital bliss! Ok, not maybe BLISS, but way closer than either of us has ever DREAMT of.

So happy together...

Love tells the Truth

I hope you've got your headphones/speakers on!

This, my friends, is for you. And for  me. In my experience, nothing can sooth my ravaged soul more than sweet melodies. This video is just awesome. Idk if I'll be back before Christmas Day, so just in case, I pray that whoever reads this will (watch the video) and be blessed over the holidays...

Time to Worship, so Sit Down and Shut Up

Found on "the church of no people"

I visited a new church last Sunday.

Visiting churches can be scary. But my wife and I were out of town on Sunday, and I don’t believe in skipping worship just because God has blessed us with the means to go on vacation. (Plus, God gives extra points for vacation church, and extra extra points for bragging about it.) So we drove down the street and picked a church based solely on their meeting time.

I’ve visited many churches and experienced many types of worship. But I had forgotten how long it had been since I was outside my comfort zone. The people were friendly and all that. Though the pastor and praise team were absolutely not comfortable with any stray moment of silence. They were saying, “Praise the Lord,” and “Thank you, Jesus,” like it was a nervous, spastic tic, even when it made no sense. This continued on for an hour and a half, at the end of which my wife and I were saying, “Sweet Jesus, let’s get out of here and eat lunch!”


It reminded me how diverse worship is, and how I’m only comfortable with a small slice of it. Really, a lot of worship makes me uncomfortable. I want to emphasize that I have nothing against Christians who worship differently than me. I’m just uncomfortable around them. So I started wondering if I should just be more comfortable with Christians who worship differently from me, or if they should take a seat and not draw so much attention to themselves.

I came up with five types of Christian worshippers. Which one are you?


The Keep-It-to-Yourself Christian

This is the least distracting Christian. This person sits quietly, stands when they’re supposed to, and hardly makes any audible sounds. If anything spiritual is going on with this person, only God knows about it. Some more boisterous Christians might be tempted to be annoyed with this guy, but hey, he just doesn’t care to put on a show for your sake.



The Self-Conscious Christian

This is me. I sing the songs, but not too loud, because I can’t carry a tune. I’ll tap the chair in front of me with my hands and kind of move around, but I have a really hard time moving my hands higher then waist height because: A) my arms are so manly that I don’t want to cause my sisters in Christ to stumble, and B) because I know by putting my hands up in the air, the guy behind me won’t be able to see the screen. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve got sweet dance moves (ask my wife.) I’ve been in several Black Eye Peas videos as a body double for Will.i.am (well, that’s not true.) I just don’t rock dat body in worship.



The Non-Stop Talk Christian

This is the person who, like the people in the church we visited, seem deathly afraid of any moment of silence during worship. Thus, this person has been gifted with speaking in tongues…or failing that, just saying, “Praise God,” again and again. If they’re really gifted, they’ll be appointed to pray, and will litter their prayers with copious “Lord God” phrases, as if God needs to reminded we’re talking to Him. Maybe we should start snapping our fingers to get God’s attention. And if you get two or more of these people in the same room, you have a showdown on your hands as they see who can be more encouraging with their ad-lib God-shout-outs.



The Front Row Christian

The front row in church is a very special place. I don’t go there, and it isn’t because I’m afraid of being that close to God, who obviously is huddling inside the pulpit, feeding the pastor his lines. No, I’m not a front row Christian, because it’s obviously a gang of Christians who I don’t fit in with. I don’t know what it is about the front row. Why are people in the front row so often the ones drawing everyone’s attention? There’s always a front row-er who’s the loudest in the room, with their hands raised highest (thus, I never learn the lyrics of any songs.) Does the front row attract attention seekers, or does it convert them into loud, raucous worshippers? Or are they just trying to set an example for the rest of us? Which came first: the front row, or the front row Christian?



The Only-Person-Doing-That Christian

For a special few Christian soldiers, the front row just can’t contain them. It’s okay for amatuers, but once you graduate from stretching your hands to block everyone’s view and yelling over everyone so God can hear you, you have to start to make your own way. Every once in a while you’ll meet one of these people who’s totally comfortable with doing something no one else is doing. Last week, a woman (of course, in the front row) decided the third verse of the second song was just the right moment to start waving a flag. Yes, a flag. A cloth on a stick, which she brought from home. That was new to me, but she was going to town with that thing. I don’t know why she had to be in the front row. I felt a definate draft from the air conditioner from my vantage point. Her flag would’ve fluttered for Jesus just fine where I was sitting, halfway back. At another church I witnessed a woman doing an interpretive dance (also up front, obviously). I don’t know if this woman had mixed up church with her yoga class, but she came prepared, wearing a leotard and everything.



I’ve still never been to a snake handling church. And there’s always been lots of ways people have worshipped. People have praised God by speaking in tongues, rolling on the floor and barking like dogs (Yes. Apparently the barkers made John Wesley a tad uncomfortable.) I’m glad I wasn’t visiting church in ancient Israel on “Circumcision Day.” That would be almost as uncomfortable as trying to escape a Baptist church without responding to the altar call.



I just can’t figure it out. I try to love other Christians and accept their worship. But I can’t deny that their worship definately interferes with my worship. I’m sitting there, trying not to stare at someone flailing around in the front row when I should be focused on God.



What do you think? What kind of worshipper are you? Does anything go when it comes to church? Should I get off my throne of judgement, or should the people in the front row take a seat and blend in?



Ok, I love this guy's style, and I've been giving a lot of thought to seeing what else is out there, as far as a church home...I'm sure I fit into more than a couple of these categories, depending on my outlook, that day. I'm so grateful that God doesn't use a coookie-cutter to make us.  What do you think?

Bracing for the holidays

Hi, friends : )
For many of us "recovering" folks, the holidays can be quite a test. Spending time with our biological families, while there are usually some nice things about it, can also bring up old hurts and scars from the past, making the holidays kind of an ordeal.
I know that for me, even having done the Sober Holiday Thing for several years, now, I still find myself anxious and unsure of protocol. We haven't any actively users or drinkers in our little family, now, but not all of us are recovering, either, so the insanity can get pretty silly at times. There are the fears of forgetting a present (ADD, thank you very much), wearing something not approved by Mom, who's bringing someone new to the party, and will we like them or just talk about them ruthlessly after they've gone, to mention just a few of the things tearing around in my mind. Dad used to call it "Freight Train Brain". Perhaps you're familiar with it? It usually reminds me that I could stand some extra meetings right about now.
Anyway, I'm going to go put my facebook status on afk indefinately, so I'll talk to you later. I hope you're able to find a nice quiet spot in the midst of your "celebrations" for when you need to decompress.

News...

Ok, so last week, I took my Sweety to the Dr., and he told him to go get an EEG. (I told you, right?) Well, Saturday night "we" had the most bizarre experience. I wish I had time to go into it, but suffice it to say that he had one of his "siezures" for 3-5 hours, and did not remember anything the next morning. I would have sworn he was completetly obliterated, like drunk or something, but there was no odor, and it wasn't exactly like that. He was slurring his words, stumbling, etc., and introduced me to "the guys" (regulars) at the bar-part of the restaurant, AGAIN. I didn't know whether to be pi$$ed off or sad, so I was both. Well, the next morning I went to church alone and didn't talk to my man about it until I got back home, when he explained that he didn't "do" anything, and he also had no recall from about 7 pm until 11:30 or so when he finally went to bed....
We've been addressing the anxiety issues, but is this a part of that? Or something else altogether? Idk. I'm grateful to have friends at church who are more than willing to pray. Oh, and 23 days from now, he gets to have an MRI donr. We returned to the Dr. this morning and he seemed fairly concerned. the Mr. is scheduled to work W-TH-FR, and I'm not looking forward to that. The siezures flare up almost exclusively when he's at work. He's been on the couch for most of the day today, just not feeling quite right. I asked him to  try to describe it, and he said almost like out-of-body... Sounds kinda like dissassociating.
Sigh.
This one gets to go on both blogs.

The Spirit of...?

Hello, fellow readers and/or bloggers. Today is the 17th, and Christmas is just SCREEEEEAMING around the corner to land squarely in our laps. I always forget how fast and stealthy it can be!
This morning I got up early-I know "on a Saturday!?" right?! And felt like feeding my spirit. It's been slim pickin's lately in my little world, and I know that's due mostly to me and my own lack of action.
So, after doing a little housework, I dug out the old Brownsville Revival videos. It's been a while since I've gotten them out, so I figured whatever it was, it would be good for me. (Don't ask why there has never been any labelling of the videotapes. I just know they're SOMETHING from B-ville.) Turns out it was. Steve Hill was preaching out of Acts 17. The name of the sermon was "Babble On". I smile to myself now as I think of the unforgettable delivery style Steve has. It was good, like a cool drink of water after a dusty day. I still want ot order some videos off of the Brownsville site, or perhaps Michael Brown from one ot the sites he's involved with. I guess what I'm saying is, am I the only one who's feeling rather depleted in the spitirual food department?
I know I'm not. Problem is, I'm not sure I'm uncomfortable enough yet to get off my butt and seek God like He deserves. Dad used to say that when the discomfort from doing nothing got worse than the fear of change, (something like that) that's when a person would get moving.
I was tickled that the church listened when I suggested our having a New Years' thing, like "Praying in the New Year", you know? An alternative to whatever else is out there for hte night...My thought was a few hours of PRAYING and SEEKING God, with some worship and encouragement in Christ thrown in...
Yeah. I guess I should have spoken up more loudly.
It's turned into a "seeker-centered"/ outreach thing. Games, a band (playing secular music), food, more games, and some movies. That sounds like fun, doesn't it? I think it will probably be fun for whomever joins us. I don't even want to go, now, because I'm so disappointed...
It's all about change-or rather, willingness to have GOD change me/us/things.
Anyway, I found this last quotation on facebook. A friend of mine occasionally puts up some excellent things to ponder, and I wanted to share this one. (So I'll always know where it is, to quote my Dad) ; )
I hate to get all somber and serious, for the most part, but we ARE in rather serious times.

"In the world it is called Tolerance, but in hell it is called Despair, the sin that believes in nothing, cares for nothing, seeks to know nothing, interferes with nothing, enjoys nothing, hates nothing, finds purpose in nothing, lives for nothing, and remains alive because there is nothing for which it will die." ~ Dorothy L. Sayers died on December 17, 1957


We must seek Him while there is still time.